The AHS 1984 Character You Are Based On Your Zodiac Sign
Of all of the themes that "American Horror Story" explores, arguably the most fun is the 1980s summer camp horror aesthetic of "American Horror Story: 1984." With plenty of gnarly '80s fashion, tunes from Def Leppard, and even neon-infused aerobics, "1984" is a gore-drenched nostalgia trip in the fashion that only Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk can deliver.
The ninth installment of the anthology follows a group of friends who sign up to be counselors at the cursed Camp Redwood, which is preyed on by a trio of competing serial killers — Mr. Jingles, the Night Stalker, and camp owner Margaret Booth. As is usually the case in the Murphyverse, everyone is at least a little awful, and they're all sure to have a terrible time marked by a rapidly growing body count. To find out if you'd survive a night at Camp Redwood, you need only look at your zodiac sign. Read on to find out which "American Horror Story: 1984" character you are based on yours.
Aries: Donna Chambers
If your birthdate lands between March 21 and April 19, your Aries "American Horror Story: 1984" character is Ivy Leaguer and guerilla psychiatry practitioner Donna (Angelica Ross). As a headstrong ram, Donna takes on challenges fully and frequently in the wrong way, as exhibited by her misguided efforts to study serial killers in their natural habitat by helping Mr. Jingles escape from the mental institution. Like many of the world's Aries population, Donna can be impulsive to the point of recklessness despite her profound intellect, a fact that is only made worse by the traumatic experience of discovering her dad was a serial killer.
Donna is a natural-born leader with a no-nonsense attitude who can accomplish just about anything she puts her mind to, including staging Brooke's execution and getting her released from prison. This optimistic ram can also handle just about anyone who gets in her way, a trait that helps her survive the hitchhiker Bruce and make it out of Camp Redwood alive not once but twice, even going on to become the new administrator of Red Meadows Asylum.
Taurus: Brooke Thompson
If your birthday falls between April 20 and May 21, your "American Horror Story: 1984" shero is the ultimate final girl, Brooke Thompson (Emma Roberts). Brooke is an earthy Taurus who seamlessly adapts from prudish homebody with casual librarian chic to a tough-as-nails fighter who looks great in red leather, eventually settling into life as a dermatologist's wife as the raddest decade comes to a close. Like everyone in the "American Horror Story" universe, Brooke has been through a lot between her wedding day bloodbath, Night Stalker attack, framing for the 1984 Redwood massacre, and subsequent execution. Fortunately, Taureans can overcome anything with the right squad behind them.
While their relationships are few and far between, Taurus bulls find strength in friendship, and thanks to Donna's Thelma-and-Louise energy, Brooke can move on from the pain of the past, pushing past her hostility to find a more mature path. In the end, she shows her generosity by helping Trevor back to Camp Redwood so that he can be with Montana for all of eternity after he dies, an act that transforms the hearts of Montana and, in turn, all of the Redwood ghosts. Her generosity also extends to Benjamin's son Bobby, to whom she sends checks throughout his lifetime. The powerful connections her Taurus heart makes are what keep Brooke going, like when Ray helps her survive and move on to a new life.
Gemini: Chef Bertie
If your yearly trip around the sun concludes between May 21 and June 21 each year, your Gemini "American Horror Story: 1984" character is one of the few good folks around: Chef Bertie (Tara Karsian). This charismatic air sign may not be much of a looker, but she is beloved by all, thanks to her good-natured personality. Like all good Geminis, Chef Bertie is a veritable encyclopedia of information, and with her veteran experience as a chef at Camp Redwood, Bertie knows almost everything there is to know about the camp's history.
A kind spirit to the last, this kitchen magician uses her final moments to save Xavier from the oven Jingles traps him in. Geminis are natural flirts and great with banter, as Xavier learns when he snarkily comments, "Dibs," and Bertie snaps back, "You wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it, handsome." The only thing sharper than a Gemini's wit is her mind, and Chef Bertie is no exception, capably remembering everyone's sandwich order.
However, Geminis are more than just sassy quips and solid cuisine, as Chet learns when Bertie talks him into a quick makeout sesh while waiting for Richard Ramirez's undead spirit to regenerate. Who could blame him? After all, Geminis are notoriously good kissers. They just have to make sure their boredom doesn't get the better of them, which is precisely what led to Ramirez escaping on Bertie's watch.
Cancer: Margaret Booth
If your birthday falls between June 22 and July 22 each year, your kindred spirit from "American Horror Story: 1984" is the Mistress of the Macabre herself, Margaret Booth (Leslie Grossman). Although she may seem cold and self-reliant, under that Aqua Net armor hides an oversensitive, self-pitying church girl still obsessing over what others think of her. She can also be incredibly reactive and moody, as Trevor learns when he signs up for a marriage of convenience rather than turning her in as the real Camp Redwood killer.
While it's true that crabs tend to hold on to resentment, unlike many of the serial killers that inhabit the "American Horror Story" corner of the Murphyverse, Margaret is more than just a revenge executioner. The ultimate '80s woman, Margaret embodies Cancer's profound powers of adaptability, transforming herself from a normcore, bespectacled Sunday School teacher to a shoulder pad-powered go-getter as she builds a totally killer real estate empire. She also develops a taste for material comforts like a wardrobe straight off the set of "Designing Women," and a luxurious home ripped from the pages of a Bret Easton Ellis novel.
Despite this brash babe's incalculable flaws, Margaret does have one thing going for her. Like her fellow Crabs, one of Margaret's best features is her creativity, even if she uses it for slightly misshapen ideas like ice cream-vending clowns at John Wayne Gacy's house and a murder-themed music festival.
Leo: Montana
If your birthday presents show up between July 23 and August 22, your fellow Leo from "American Horror Story: 1984" is the most rock-and-roll babe in the bunch, Montana Duke (Billie Lourd). Firey lioness Montana is a totally tubular bleach blonde with a personality as big as her mane. Sexy and tough Montana's hobbies include knife play, coked-up aerobics, and hooking up with hot randos. She loves to stand out and craves excitement, a trait that draws her into a toxic fling with Richard Ramirez and a ghostly rampage with Xavier in the afterlife. Montana also tends to be a little too outgoing to the point that it can be off-putting to some, but she forms some pretty serious bonds when she gets to know someone.
Montana enjoys being in control and holds a whole lot of sway over guys and ghosts alike, at one point leading the other spirits down a dark path of blood and gore. However, at the end of the day, she finds her kinder side and always ends up doing what's right — even if it takes her a while to get there. After all, it is Montana and Xavier who lead the others in protecting Bobby throughout the years.
Virgo: Courtney
If you blow out your birthday candles between August 23 and September 22, your "American Horror Story" zodiac character is the world's most dedicated personal assistant, Courtney (Leslie Jordan). As a Virgo, the colorful Courtney brings energy to everything he does and he's never fully clocked out, even zipping over late at night to let his boss Margaret know that Brooke lost her death row appeal. A classy fellow, Courtney understands the value of rolling out the welcome mat, even bringing a generous gift basket to Kajagoogoo's tour bus when they arrive –- it's not his fault that they've all been massacred by the time he gets there.
Although Margaret calls him the "worst assistant ever," this earth sign works hard to do her bidding even when the things she wants are next to impossible to deliver –- like cleaning up gore so the festival doesn't get closed down. Despite Courtney's four years, three months, and 15 days of dedicated service, his beehived boss thoroughly berates him when he gets a little freaked out at the Satanic bloodbath left by Ramirez. She doesn't understand that his Virgo nature means he can't help but worry. Fortunately, with his Virgo eye for detail, he's exactly the right guy you'd want to have removing all traces of DNA from a crime scene.
Libra: The Lady in White
Before it was rebranded as Camp Redwood, the future music festival site was known as Camp Golden Star. It was there that war widow, mother of two, and future Lady in White Lavinia Richter (Lily Rabe) would take a gig with free childcare and an unexpectedly early retirement package. As a Libra, Lavinia might seem sweet with her gorgeous 1940s waves and glamorous white fitted gown. However, once she is crossed, her seismic wrath surfaces, like when she inspires Margaret Booth to frame her own son Benji for the 1970s Redwood massacre out of pure hatred after her favorite child dies. Like her fellow Libras, Lavinia hates being alone. In her agony, she massacres the counselors of Camp Golden Star and goes on to torment the staff of Camp Redwood in her afterlife.
Like most Libras, this vintage apparition can be diplomatic and even sentimental underneath all of that trauma and pain, traits seen when she advises Benjamin to take his own life so he can protect his son. Libras ultimately crave balance, which ghost mom Lavinia finally finds when she is reunited with both Bobby and Benji in the afterlife.
Scorpio: Richard Ramirez
If you were born under the sign of Scorpio (October 23 through November 21), your "American Horror Story: 1984" zodiac buddy is among the most purely evil characters in the series and in real life: Satanic serial killer Richard Ramirez (Zach Villa). A controversially glamorized portrayal of the Night Stalker, Ramirez is one of the few "American Horror Story" characters to pop up in more than one season of the anthology. Outside of "American Horror Story: 1984," Ramirez also appears in "American Horror Story: Hotel" for a Devil's Night hangout at the Hotel Cortez courtesy of James March. Like all Scorpios, he gets away with more than he ought to because he looks so cool in a leather jacket. Doomed from before birth with childhood trauma that no one should have to suffer, Ramirez spends his life festering in pain and only deals in intense emotions.
Although Ramirez seems to have a steady, calm demeanor superficially, everything inside of his Scorpio spirit runs deep, and the only person that genuinely seems to understand him is Margaret Booth. Although he is murderous and vile, some find him mysterious and sensual, and Montana is among them. As a vengeful scorpion, this Billy Idol fanboy is capable of incredible perseverance in pursuit of his kills, even if that means whipping himself into a Satanic panic to get the job done.
Sagittarius: Trevor Kirchner
As a Sagittarius who blows out their candles between November 22 and December 21 each year, your "1984" zodiac character is well-endowed and equally well-mustachioed party boy Trevor Kirchner (Matthew Morrison). A fortysomething with the energy of a 20-year-old, Trevor is the friendliest guy at every gathering and always shows up ready for anything with a sixer in hand. Trevor always seems to be in the right place at just the right time, whether it's serving as a sexy distraction in Jane Fonda's workout video or photo bombing the opening credits for "Three's Company."
Like his fellow Sagitarrians, Trevor's charm is abundant, and he's eager to work it on any lady who will have him. In "American Horror Story: 1984," this is seen when he's making a bet with himself that he'll bed prudish Margaret or getting into a lakeside frolic with Montana moments after first meeting her. For a Sagittarius like Trevor, every day is a new adventure, which is why the most criminal thing in "American Horror Story" is Margaret putting him on a leash in a marriage of convenience that leads him down a dark path of coke addiction and rage sex.
Fortunately for Trevor, Sagittarians always manage to sail through life's obstacles in the end. For this comely aerobics instructor, that means finally escaping Booth's clutches to land in a rare "American Horror Story" happily ever after with his true love, Montana.
Capricorn: Mr. Jingles
Capricorns are practically born with a sense of adult responsibility, a truth that is especially pertinent for Mr. Jingles, aka Benjamin Richter (John Carroll Lynch). After losing his dad to World War 2 as a child, Benji's mother ripped away his comic books, tasking him with the duty of watching over his kid brother instead of experiencing his own adolescent adventures. Young Jingles' life was riddled with tragedy after the untimely loss of his brother forced him to kill his mom.
This trauma would resurface in Vietnam, getting him dishonorably discharged for getting a little too into his job there. With all of that baggage, it's no wonder this Capricorn has a hard time warming up to people. Unfortunately, this is bad news for the dastardly diva Margaret Booth, whose treachery succeeds at turning him into the stone-cold killer she had convinced everyone -– including himself -– that he was.
Despite his troubled past, Jingles is actually a fairly even-tempered and gentle-spirited fellow, eventually finding happiness working at a video store and marrying a wife who understands and accepts him as he is. Like his fellow Capricorns, Jingles has a tendency to suppress his feelings but learns that you can't run from your troubles as they'll eventually find you — even in Alaska. Especially if those troubles are a Satanic pact with Richard Ramirez.
Aquarius: Xavier Plympton
Totally tubular "American Horror Story" fans born between January 20 and February 18 relate to pretty boy and occasional villain Xavier Plympton. Charming and unconventional Aquarian that he is, Xavier (Cody Fern) is an original who stands out for much more than his snappy sense of dress and frosted tips. Aquarians like Xavier were born to stand out and don't need to be bogged down in the mundane. As an Aquarius, Xavier fully understands his worth as a Stella Adler alumnus despite taking a temporary drug-related detour into the "gay for pay" film world. As he's happy to proclaim, he's "not one of those happy to get a role on a soap opera or Coca-Cola commercial types" — he is a "serious actor."
As Montana and anyone else who has ever fallen for an Aquarius can attest to, this Slimmercize instructor is an excellent kisser. He understands that friends make anything better, so Xavier eagerly invites all of his pals to drop everything and become camp counselors for the summer. Like his fellow Aquarians, Xavier is known for his helpful nature, defending Brooke to Donna and even lending a hand when Chef Bertie needs someone to put her out of her misery.
However, he also has a dark side, which he embraces during his murderous post-death rampage. In the end, though, this Aquarius can't deny his humanitarian nature, devoting his eternity to protecting Jingles' son.
Pisces: Jonas Shevoore
"American Horror Story" fans who were born under the Pisces sign (February 19 to March 20) share a connection with ill-fated 1970 Camp Redwood counselor Jonas (Lou Taylor Pucci). Ruled by Neptune, this water sign is among the most timeless creatures in the zodiac, and if Jonas is anything, it's a man out of his time.
Originally a camp counselor during Margaret Booth's massacre, Jonas dies at her hands only to come back again and again as a ghost. Unfortunately, his Pisces mind has difficulty discerning reality from fiction. His struggles to understand what has happened to him lead to him developing severe amnesia. The troubled camp counselor has such a hard time comprehending his fate that he claims not to believe in ghosts — despite being one.
As a pure-of-heart Pisces, Jonas struggles with guilt over his inability to stop the massacre, expressing his profound regret to Margaret for leaving her to die, calling himself a coward. Fortunately, Pisces are good at learning from their mistakes, and the kind-spirited Jonas comes to terms with his fate in time to help the recently deceased Ray come to terms with his new existence as a permanent resident of Camp Redwood.