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Every Thor Joke In The MCU Ranked Worst To Best

Thor, the Norse god of thunder, has gone through many changes during his time in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Physically, he's gone through a few different looks, with various hairstyles and armors. Weapons-wise, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) has lost his trusty hammer Mjolnir to his older sister Hela (Cate Blanchett), gained a new weapon in the axe Stormbreaker — courtesy of Eitri (Peter Dinklage) on Nidavellir — and regained Mjolnir during the time heist in "Avengers: Endgame." He's even lost an eye to Hela, only to have Rocket (Bradley Cooper) gift him one en route to picking up Stormbreaker in "Avengers: Infinity War." 

But the most profound change Thor has undergone comes in the form of his personality. Initially boastful and oafish, he's gained wisdom and restraint, to the point that he was the one talking Odin (Anthony Hopkins) off the ledge of war in "Thor: The Dark World" when, previously, the roles would have been reversed. He's also grown to be quite the jokester, with the comedic elements experiencing a dramatic uptick when "Thor: Ragnarok" came along. That's mostly owing to director Taika Waititi taking the helm for the third Thor standalone movie, but it's also easily explainable as simple character growth. After all, Thor was cracking jokes before "Ragnarok," just not as many. Here are the god of thunder's jokes in the MCU, ranked worst to best.

15. Thor supports Lady Sif

The first entry into our rundown of the god of thunder's jokes in the MCU comes in his very first appearance, 2011's eponymous solo outing. Having just been put in place by his father Odin (Anthony Hopkins), Thor's trying to convince his compatriots to go with him to Jotunheim to see how the Frost Giants managed to break through Asgard's defenses in their attempt to steal the casket. As Lady Sif (Jaimie Alexander) reminds him, Odin forbade such an action, but Thor persists in his manipulation.

"My friends, have you forgotten all that we have done together?" Thor asks. For Fandral (Josh Dallas) and Hogun (Tadanobu Asano), Thor points out that he'd led them into the most glorious of battles. To sway Volstagg (Ray Stevenson), he reminds him that the delicacies he thought were so succulent that he felt he'd died and gone to heaven — well, Valhalla — were a result of his travels with Thor.

To Sif, he posed a simple question: "And who proved wrong all who scoffed at the idea that a young maiden could be one of the fiercest warriors this realm has ever known?" — to which she correctly replied that she did! "True," Thor admits, "but I supported you."

It's a coin flip as to whether you think he was trying to steal Sif's thunder — pun obviously intended — but he did give her due credit in the end.

14. It's getting hot in here

In Thor's second standalone movie, "The Dark World," he's cracking more jokes than in the first, probably as a result of hanging out with Tony Stark in 2012's first "Avengers" film. The prologue co-designed by future "Deadpool" director Tim Miller (via Post Perspective) sets the scene with the Dark Elves and demonstrates how high the stakes are with the Aether — which is really the Reality Stone, or more like an angry sludge — after which we're taken to one of the nine realms where there's a battle brewing. Lady Sif is leading Asgard's armies and the Warriors Three in battle on Hogun's home world of Vanaheim and clearly thinks things are going swimmingly. Nevertheless, Thor shows up on the scene — sent by Heimdall (Idris Elba) via the bifrost — quickly taking out some enemy combatants with his trusty hammer, Mjolnir. Sif is clearly perturbed at his arrival. 

"I've got this completely under control," she insists, her eyes flashing with anger. "Is that why everything's on fire?" Thor asks in response, a smile on his face as they continue to battle the enemy. Total burn.

13. This fight is over

As the battle on Vanaheim rages on in "Thor 2," with the enemy surrounding Asgard's warriors, an angry roar stops the fight in mid action and everyone looks around for the source of such a ferocious rumble. They don't have to wait long to find out, with the ground shaking as a giant Kronan warrior marches forward toward Thor. MCU fans who've seen "Thor: Ragnarok may think this massive humanoid warrior made of stone is the same type of being as Korg (Taika Waititi), who becomes a part of Thor's revolution on Sakaar. They'd be right in thinking this is a Kronan and thus the same species as Korg, but, according to the DVD commentary for "Thor: The Dark World" (via Film School Rejects) this Kronan actually is Korg, and the version who appears in "Ragnarok" has been retconned by Waititi, who also directed the film.

Now, Thor's a big dude, but this version of Korg is massive and the Norse god of thunder is about waist height on the brute. After Korg lets out another roar, Thor replies "I accept your surrender," and many a laugh is had. That is, until he starts swinging Mjolnir around and quickly leaps into the air, smashing Korg to pieces with a single blow. "Anyone else?" he jokes, with his enemies cowed and surrendering.

12. Waiting to be impressed

When Lt. Col. James Rhodes (Don Cheadle) took the Iron Man Mark II armor during "Iron Man 2" and became War Machine, he stepped into the big leagues. By the time "Avengers: Age of Ultron" rolled around, we'd seen the first Avengers film, a third Iron Man film, two Captain America movies and two Thor movies. Suffice to say, many adventures were had. During the post-mission revels — after the title team took out Strucker and met the Maximoff twins, Pietro (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Wanda (Elizabeth Olsen) — Rhodey ignores a principle rule of storytelling; know your audience. 

Viewers catch a conversation midstream Rhodes is regaling Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.), Maria Hill (Cobie Smulders) and Thor with a story of his own adventures. "Well, you know, the suit can take the weight, right?" he says. "So I take the tank, fly it right up to the general's palace, drop it at his feet. I'm like, 'Boom, you looking for this?'" Having gotten no reaction, Rhodey starts to retell the punchline before asking why he even talks to Tony and Thor. "Everywhere else that story kills," he laments.

Wait. "That's the whole story?" Thor asks innocently. "Yeah," Rhodey says, "It's a War Machine story." "Oh, it's very good then," Thor says, laughing. "It's impressive." Quality save, Thor. Fortunately for Rhodey, the story does indeed kill later on when he tells it to some non-Avenger partygoers.

11. Oh, how the tables have turned

As Thor attempts to smuggle Loki out of Asgard in "The Dark World," having promised him revenge on Malekith (Christopher Eccleston) and Kurse (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje) — the Dark Elf who killed their mother, Frigga (Rene Russo) — Loki is doing one of the things he does best; he's annoying Thor. Loki first takes the form of an Asgardian warrior, then takes up his own likeness again and makes his brother look like Sif, prompting Thor to point out that being killed by Thor while he looks so pretty will not hurt any less. So Loki takes the form of one of Thor's more recent allies — Captain America (Chris Evans) — and offers to have a rousing discussion about truth, honor, and patriotism. Given that Thor clamps his hand over Loki's mouth and shoves him up against a column, we're going to take that as a tacit demurral.

Loki's clearly frustrated and clearly trying to find a way to betray Thor. "You could at least furnish me with a weapon," he says. "My daggers. Something!" Thor locks eyes with him and appears to be rustling around for something for Loki to wield. "At last," the god of mischief grins, "A little common sense." 

As it turns out, Thor has indeed done what makes the most sense: he handcuffed the trickster. Shocked, disappointed, and clearly annoyed, Loki is also about to be mocked. "I thought you liked tricks," Thor says with a laugh before walking out of frame.

10. Boys will be boys

It's no secret Loki has done a great many horrible things. He's betrayed pretty much everyone he knows, Thor included. He's manipulated everyone he's ever met, Thor included. He's tried to kill pretty much everyone with whom he's come into contact, Thor included. These shenanigans play out over the course of the first two Thor solo films and the first Avengers movie. When we get to "Ragnarok," it's more of the same, whether on Asgard, Earth, or Sakaar. As Thor, Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson), and Bruce Banner (Mark Ruffalo) discuss their exit strategy and how to get through a wormhole terrifyingly dubbed the Devil's Anus, our favorite trickster chimes in with an offer of assistance, causing Banner to pull the other two into a sidebar.

"I was just talking to him, just a couple of minutes ago, and he was totally ready to kill any of us," Banner says. Valkyrie agrees, mentioning Loki had tried to kill her. Thor, who is the obvious expert on Loki's attempts at murder, concurs, noting his adopted brother has tried to take his life on "many, many occasions" before describing one in particular.

"This one time, when we were children, he transformed himself into a snake and he knows that I love snakes, Thor says. "So I went to pick up the snake to admire it and he transformed back into himself and he was like 'Ya! It's me!' and he stabbed me. We were 8 at the time."

9. At least they're not dead

Dr. Bruce Banner deals with a lot of doubts and insecurities — given the great beast that lives within him — not the least of which is the bold fashion choice of rocking XXXL purple sweatpants. While he's able to summon the Hulk at will — as demonstrated in his immortal "I'm always angry" line from the first Avengers movie — getting the big guy to stand down is an entirely different matter. But, by the time "Age of Ultron" rolls around, he seems to have developed a system of deescalation with Black Widow, aka Natasha Romanoff (Scarlet Johansson), involving holding hands and a lullaby. That doesn't stop him from being dejected about the entire situation after they had to call a Code Green in their attack on Strucker's compound in the opening sequence of the film.

As they're flying back to Avengers HQ aboard the Quinjet, Natasha asks Bruce when he's going to trust her and he responds with the obvious answer that it's not her that he doesn't trust. So she enlists another teammate — perhaps the wrong one — to weigh in, saying "Thor, report on the Hulk."

"The gates of Hel are filled with the screams of his victims," Thor responds with good humor, at which point Natasha shoots daggers with her eyes. "But not the screams of the dead, of course," he elaborates, walking back his remarks. "No, no, wounded screams. Mainly whimpering, a great deal of complaining and tales of sprained deltoids and gout." Another quality save.

8. Thor can't unsee this

In "Ragnarok," having proven his mettle by surviving an encounter with the Grandmaster's (Jeff Goldblum) champion — let's be honest, he'd have won if not for that obedience disk implanted in his neck — Thor's living conditions have improved immensely. He's no longer living among the rabble of lower card fighters like Korg; as a main eventer, he's in penthouse-level quarters with his opponent, the Hulk. There's training equipment befitting a champion, including what every noble warrior needs: a hot tub. Great for soaking sore muscles, it's an essential tool for a fighter's rest and recovery. We're guessing most athletes choose to soak in a pair of trunks or other undergarment when in a group setting, but not our Hulk, which Thor finds out when pressing him for information.

"How'd you arrive here?" Thor asks, to which Hulk responds that he came to Sakaar when the Quinjet he took at the end of "Age of Ultron" crash landed there. Well, he offered the one-word response of "Quinjet" and then mimed a crash with his hand, but it's all there in the subtext. Naturally Thor wants to know where the Quinjet is now so he could potentially use it himself. Having just demonstrated his propensity for showing rather than telling, Hulk gets out of the tub fully nude, to point out where the crashed Quinjet is, giving Thor an eyeful as he walks to the window.

"Oh ... that's ... ah, naked," Thor sputters. "Very naked. Hmmm ... That's in my brain now."

7. Who does Thor actually like better?

Thor's only got a few friends at his disposal when stranded on Sakaar in "Ragnarok" and they're not exactly keen on helping him escape. Valkyrie can't seem to stop drinking or using that obedience disk on him, so she's not going to be of much help. Korg and Miek are willing but they're locked up with all the other slaves — sorry, prisoners with jobs — so he can't expect much out of them. He needs Hulk's help and he”s going to do his best to convince the great green brute to help him out, even if it means a bit of manipulation. 

"This is what friends do, they support each other," Thor explains. "You're Banner's friend!" Hulk replies. Thor says he's not Banner's friend, he prefers Hulk! "Banner's friend!" Hulk insists. "I don't even like Banner! 'I'm into numbers and science and stuff,'" Thor says mockingly to no avail. 

Once Hulk reverts to Bruce Banner, having seen Natasha's message aboard the Quinjet he just wrecked, Thor tries a bit of the same with Hulk's human counterpart, though with perhaps a bit less finesse. "I just told you if I turn into the Hulk , I'm never gonna come back again and you don't care!" an upset Banner explains, having said he won't help Thor defeat his sister. Thor explains that "Hulk is the fire!" at which point Banner thinks he's just being used, saying "That's gross, you don't care about me. You're not my friend." Thor says he doesn't even like the Hulk; "He's like 'Roar, smash, smash.' I prefer you," he explains. 

6. Asgardians of the galaxy

As "Endgame" is coming to a close, tying up its myriad loose ends in an extended denouement, Thor entrusts the future of the New Asgard colony on Earth to Valkyrie before boarding the Milano to join up with a new crew. "The Asgardians of the Galaxy, back together again. Where to first?" he asks, changing the map that Star-Lord, aka Peter Quill (Chris Pratt) is looking at. Star-Lord, annoyed, changes it back and decides it's time to lay down the law with the newbie. "Just so you know, this is my ship still. I'm in charge," he says.

"I know, I know, of course you are," Thor replies with a knowing smile, changing the map again with a total lack of respect. Quill's pretty miffed and explains that Thor saying of course but then touching the map makes him think maybe Thor didn't realize Star-Lord is in charge, to which Thor responds that he's just here to help. Drax, ever helpful himself, suggests they should fight each other "for the honor of leadership," which Nebula thinks sounds fair. Quill and Thor both agree it's not necessary, but Rocket says he has some blasters they can use, unless they prefer knives, which Mantis, Drax, and Groot all think is a great idea.

Quill and Thor both laugh, with the latter knowingly saying once more, "There shall be no knifing on another; everybody knows who's in charge." After a brief, uncertain pause, Quill says "Me, right?" and just like Thor said, it's pretty clear who's in charge.

5. Technically Loki isn't Asgardian

About 50 minutes into "The Avengers," the title team sits down for its first unofficial team meeting on the bridge of the massive SHIELD helicarrier. Before Tony Stark shows up to crack a joke about Thor's manly mane of hair and talk science with Bruce Banner, Thor, Banner, Captain America, and Black Widow discuss the film's primary antagonist, Loki. Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) has just gotten done interrogating the god of mischief and Cap asks Thor what he thinks his brother's plan might be and wonders why Loki let them take him into custody. After all, Cap points out, Loki can't exactly lead his army, the Chitauri, while aboard the helicarrier. Banner posits that they shouldn't focus on Loki, comparing the Norse god of mischief's brain to a bag full of cats and saying "You could smell crazy on him," to which the god of thunder takes a surprising amount of offense.

"Have care how you speak," Thor replies with warning tone. "Loki is beyond reason but he is of Asgard and he is my brother," at which point Black Widow provides some counterbalance, pointing out that Loki has killed 80 people over the course of two days.

"He's adopted," Thor replies.

4. It works every time

Things get tense in the elevator scene in "Ragnarok," as Loki leads Thor to the Grandmaster's ship. Loki says he's probably better off staying on Sakaar and Thor agrees, to his surprise. Thor says Sakaar is perfect for his brother. "It's savage, chaotic, lawless; I think you're going to do great here." Loki's taken aback, asking Thor if he truly thinks so little of him and Thor replies that he actually thought the world of Loki, having reckoned they'd fight side by side forever. But, while there might still be some good in the cantankerous god of mischief, he concedes that've been walking separate paths for a long time. After a pregnant pause, Loki somberly says it's probably for the best that they never see each other again, and Thor twists the knife, patting him on the back and reminding him "That's what you always wanted."

Suddenly, Thor has an idea and brightens the mood, suggesting they do the tried and true "Get Help" routine. Loki declines. "Come on, you love it," Thor insists, to which Loki says he actually hates it. Thor reminds him that it works every time and Loki says it's humiliating. "Do you have a better plan? Thor asks. "No," Loki replies. "We're doing it," Thor concludes, to which Loki states emphatically, "We are not doing 'Get Help.'" Spoiler alert: they do "Get Help."

"Get help!" Thor yells as they get out of the elevator. "Please! My brother, he's dying! Get help! Help him!" he adds, incapacitating the guards keeping watch by throwing Loki into them. "Classic," he says. "I still hate it. It's humiliating," Loki replies. "Not for me it's not," Thor says with a smile.

3. Tricking the trickster, Part 2

When it comes to comparing adopted siblings Thor Odinson and Loki Laufeyson, their respective strengths are pretty clear. Thor is the clear winner when it comes to physical might and combat, while Loki is obviously the more cerebral of the two demigods. It should be no surprise, considering one is the warrior god of thunder and the other is the trickster god of mischief. As such, it's rare that Thor gets one over one the sneaky Loki, and when he does, the latter's vanity and hubris are usually involved; plainly put, Loki underestimates Thor, having gotten the better of him for so long. But Thor is capable of growth, as he demonstrates while they're heading to the Grandmaster's ship in "Ragnarok," and he posits that Loki has stagnated.

After they perform the hilarious "Get Help" sneak attack routine — which goes off without a hitch, as Thor knew it would — Loki slinks off to a control panel to turn Thor in while a magic double walks alongside is brother. Of course, Thor knew that would happen too. During his big speech in the elevator, before suggesting they do "Get Help," Thor tells his brother he thinks the world of him; he also thinks he's a duplicitous sneak, so he planted one of the Grandmaster's obedience disks on Loki when patting him on the back. After triggering the device in the hangar, he explains that Loki's becoming predictable. "I guess what I'm trying to say is you will always be the god of mischief, but you could be more," Thor says.

2. Wait, who are Surtur's parents?

"Now I know what you're thinking; 'Oh no! Thor's in a cage, how did this happen?'" Thor narrates the opening scene in "Ragnarok." Well, he's either narrating for the audience or he's gone full-Hamlet and is speaking to the skeleton with whom he's sharing said cage — we're giving him the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes, he explains, you have to get captured in order to get a candid response from someone. It's a long story, he continues, but basically he's a hero, having fought some robots and saving the planet while spending some time on Earth before searching through the cosmos for the Infinity Stones. Thor explains that he happened upon "a path of death and destruction," one that led him all the way to this cage where he met you  — OK, he's definitely talking to the skeleton in this recapping exposition dump. Before the bottom drops out of the cage and the god of thunder is left dangling by a length of chain, Thor wonders aloud how long they'll be there. 

But where exactly is he? Thor's location, as it turns out, is the fiery realm of Muspelheim, inhabited by fire demons, the chief of whom is Thor's captor. "Thor, son of Odin," Surtur chuckles, announcing his presence. Thor's surprised to see him, having thought the demon was slain long ago; "Surtur, son of ... a b***h!" he hilariously exclaims. Clearly Thor's been spending too much time around Tony Stark.

1. Loki of House Slytherin?

Thor's best joke in the MCU is a quip that's a bit understated but absolutely hilarious. Having decided to prevent the titular event in "Ragnarok," Thor returns to Asgard from Muspelheim, having ripped Surtur's tiara off. After witnessing someone he's pretty sure is not Odin taking in a live performance of "The Tragedy of Loki of Asgard," Thor unmasks Loki with the threat of splattering his brother with Mjolnir. Then he demands to see his father, whom he believes Loki has spirited away. To accomplish that, a pre-Executioner Skurge (Karl Urban) uses the bifrost to send them to Midgard-slash-Earth, where Loki and Thor witness the demolition of the Shady Acres Care Home in New York City. 

Loki swears he left Odin right there, to which Thor asks if he means on the sidewalk where they're standing or where the building is being demolished. "Great plan," he says sarcastically. Unsurprisingly, Loki doesn't think he's to blame; " How was I supposed to know? I can't see into the future; I'm not a witch," he explains.

"No? Then why do you dress like one?" Thor quips. And holy crap, with the black-on-black suit and shoulder-length greasy hair, Loki indeed looks like he just stepped off the Hogwarts Express as the Head Boy of Slytherin House at the best darn school for witchcraft and wizardry there is. Loki's at a total loss for words and can only muster a meek "Hey!" in response.