Remakes Of Foreign Films That Never Should Have Happened

Shortly after Parasite became the first international film to win Best Picture at the Academy Awards, it was announced that a television series based upon the film is in the works. An exciting announcement for Bong Joon Ho fans, and a testament to the film's success — but exactly how good do remakes of foreign films ever end up being? Will a Parasite TV series actually justify its own existence?

In the film world, Hollywood remakes are a dime a dozen — but you might not clock them as such if they're adapted from foreign films. For example, did you know that 2003 heist thriller The Italian Job is actually a remake of a 1969 British caper flick of the same name? How about Eight Below, which began as the significantly less family-friendly Japanese production, Antarctica? Some of these remakes succeed, but many of them fail — sometimes spectacularly. Join us as we explore the most embarrassing, ill-conceived, and outright stupid remakes of foreign films.

2017's Ghost in the Shell is an adaptation of the 1995 Japanese animated film of the same name, which in turn is based on the manga by Masamune Shirow. It stars Scarlett Johansson as a cybernetic human named Major Mira Killian who, after sustaining severe injuries in a terrorist attack, is given an artificial body, or "shell" to inhabit. She rises through the ranks of Section 9, a counter-terrorism bureau, only to discover that she was a test subject and must reevaluate her loyalties.

Ghost in the Shell was heavily criticized for casting Johansson, a white actress, in the role of the Major, whose name in all other iterations of the canon is Motoko Kusanagi. Though the film does introduce Kusanagi as a character and part of Johansson's storyline towards the end, it falls flat — the damage was very much done. In addition to this, Ghost in the Shell just really isn't very good. Sure, some of the visuals are interesting, but the original film, manga, and multiple anime adaptations did it first, and, to this day, better. Moreover, the original animated film's philosophical bent is entirely absent from the 2017 remake. That depth is a huge part of what made the story a hit in the first place — removing it is an unpardonable flaw.

Thanks to the success of 2002's The Ring, the early aughts saw a flood of American remakes of Japanese horror films. Some of them were genuine success stories that propelled the horror genre to towering heights ... while some of them just fell flat. Dark Water is one of the latter. This 2005 stinker stars Jennifer Connelly as a recently divorced woman plagued by supernatural interference in her new apartment. Water drips continuously, the plumbing never gets fixed, and a mysterious backpack lies unclaimed upon the building's roof, left behind by a child no one knows the fate of.

The original, a 2002 Japanese horror film of the same name, is a genuinely frightening affair. This remake, in contrast, is a tepid trek through mysteries no one really cares to solve. Most damningly of all, it's just not very scary — and when you're remaking a celebrated Japanese horror film, you'd better be scary. Alas, not all American remakes can be The Ring.

Oh, Madonna. Some of her cinematic efforts have proven to be smash hits: consider A League of Their Own, Evita, and Desperately Seeking Susan. Others, like Swept Away, are utter disasters. First of all, remaking Italian writer and director Lina Wertmuller's 1974 film of the same name is probably a bad idea to begin with. Though Wertmuller is one of few women to receive an Academy Award nomination for directing ( for 1977's Seven Beauties), the original Swept Away was once described as "possibly the most outrageously misogynist film ever made by a woman." Sure, it's an impassioned look at classism ... that just so happens to channel its message into multiple scenes of violence, attempted rape, and general humiliation of its female lead.

Perhaps director Guy Ritchie could have salvaged the story's stronger elements from its morass of miosgyny — but that's purely hypothetical. 2002's Swept Away is, if anything, worse than the original.The domination dynamic and male chauvinism don't translate well to 2002, if they ever worked at all, and Madonna's acting isn't exactly natural. Audiences and critics alike savaged the film, to the point that Swept Away was yanked from theaters after a few weekends. Ultimately, the movie walked away with five Golden Raspberry Awards for Worst Picture, Worst Actress, Worst Couple, Worst Remake or Sequel, and Worst Director. Oof.

2008's The Eye stars Jessica Alba as a blind violinist who receives a cornea transplant and begins having nightmarish visions. She discovers that her donated eye came from a psychic Mexican woman who had terrible, deathly premonitions of the future. Unable to prevent any of the catastrophes she foresaw, the hung herself. Alba's character, having inherited her abilities, decides to discover the meaning of her visions and see if she can prevent their nightmarish conditions from manifesting.

The Eye is a remake of the 2002 Hong Kong-Singaporean film of the same name — but it's not the only one. In addition to the Alba version, two other remakes were made in India: 2004's Adhu, and 2005's Naina. Three remakes might seem like a lot, but then, it's a pretty killer premise. What went wrong with the American attempt?

For one thing, it's just not that scary. The Eye became more of a thriller than a horror in the process of translation, and Alba's performance in the movie is so bad she was nominated for a Golden Raspberry Award that year. Weak performances, a lack of thrills, and a tedious plot — all of it was enough to sink The Eye.

in 1998's City of Angels, a mopey angel played by Nicolas Cage falls in love with a human woman played by Meg Ryan. Having been impressed by her passion for her work as a surgeon, he decides to "fall" from heaven and become human to better pursue her. A romance ignites, but the two are torn tragically apart by Maggie's untimely death. It was all worth it, of course, as Cage's angel has discovered the delights of being human. Credits roll, audience sniffles, a cathartic time is had by all.

City of Angels remakes Wim Wenders' 1987 German film Wings of Desire, also known as Der Himmel über Berlin, which does tell the story of an angel who falls in love with a human. But Wings of Desire's exploration of humanity ranges far wider than City of Angels' pat romance. In Wings, Berlin (then bisected by the Berlin Wall) is as much a character as the leads, portrayed with loving depth that encompasses humanity as its lowest and highest points.  It's quirky, weird, and beautiful, not to mention the fact that it features one of Peter Falk's best performances. Trust us: Skip City, Watch Wings.

This is an unusual example of a Hollywood remake that actually retains the star of the original film — but then again, this is a really unusual movie. In 1991, French actor Gerard Depardieu starred in Mon père, ce héros, which tells the story of a divorced man named Andre who takes his teenage daughter on a tropical vacation. In 1994, Depardieu starred in the Hollywood remake of the movie, the daughter now played by future Grey's Anatomy star Katherine Heigl. That might seem innocent enough: Daddy-daughter bonding, an escape from typical life, all that familial jazz. Innocent, that is, until you get to the plot.

Heigl's character Nicole wants to pretend she's an adult woman to impress a local boy while on vacation, so she concocts elaborate stories, including one that casts Andre as her sugar daddy lover. Andre goes along with it because he wants Nicole to love him again after the divorce and his subsequent absence. Perhaps this went over well in the original film — Marie Gillain was nominated for a Cesar Award for her performance as the daughter. But the remake is only ever deeply, frustratingly creepy. None of its antics amuse, and the fact that the movie is so ignorant of its ickiness only makes it worse. My Father The Hero is largely forgotten, exactly as it should be.