The Ozark Villain You Are Based On Your Zodiac Sign
In Jason Bateman's Netflix series "Ozark," financial advisor and white-collar criminal Marty Byrde drags his family away from suburban Chicago to the Lake of the Ozarks to launder money after his partner runs afoul of the cartel they work for. However, as is often the case with these types of criminal entanglements, things in the Ozarks are much more complicated than Marty imagined. Almost immediately, what is meant to be a short-term venture finds the family caught inextricably between cartel drama and a Southern Gothic purgatory.
Far from the lakefront paradise that Marty envisioned, the Ozarks the Byrdes find themselves in are a rural hellscape populated with corrupt politicians, dirty cops, and scheming locals that would make Tennessee Williams blush. In this reality, almost every "Ozark" character is villainous by degree -– including Marty and Wendy Byrde (Laura Linney). After all, in a world where everyone is sketchy, skeezy, or downright duplicitous, if you can't beat 'em, you might as well join them. Read on to find out which "Ozark" villain you are based on your zodiac sign and learn where you fit in the deep-woods criminal underbelly of the Ozarks.
Aries: Darlene Snell
If you unwrap your birthday presents each spring between March 21 and April 19, you identify with the ultimate loose cannon Darlene Snell (Lisa Emery). Firey and impetuous, poppy farmer Darlene is one of the more frightening villains in the "Ozark" universe because she is driven by her impulses from one moment to the next with nary a thought to the potential consequences. Intense and headstrong, Darlene's bold ways can seem feisty and fun to her ill-fated paramours when she isn't flying off the handle or casually engaging in homicide. It's that spontaneous side that first catches Jacob's eye when she teases him away from a dull diner date for skinny dipping shenanigans.
Like most Aries, Darlene is the kind of gal who isn't afraid of a challenge and confronts her problems head-on, as seen most clearly when she takes on the Byrde family. She can also be surprisingly helpful to those who need her, as Wyatt and Ruth Langmore learn. Unfortunately for the Langmores, Mars-ruled Aries hearts can be as stubborn, temperamental, and reckless to the point of danger. If you are an Ozarkian ram like Darlene, be careful not to hurt your loved ones. And whatever you do, try not to cross a cartel.
Taurus: Jacob Snell
If you bite into your birthday cake between April 20 and May 20 each year, you should be especially careful about who you fall in love with since your "Ozark" villain is the bull-headed Jacob Snell (Peter Mullan). Ruled by Venus, Taurus is a romantic and a shoulder to lean on, and Jacob is always there for his backwater femme fatale, Darlene. For Jacob, business and family are the same, and both are essential pieces of his identity. Getting in the way of either is a surefire way to end up at the end of this bull's horns. Like many Ozark-area inhabitants, Jacob is steeled against the many hardships life has thrown his way and believes in the power of self-reliance — whether that entails hunting for his dinner or growing his own poppies for his heroin harvest.
Yet, as strong-minded and shrewd though he is, Jacob Snell is something of a country-fried philosopher who is prone to poetic musings and rumination. He is also gentle-natured to those he loves, even quietly accepting his fate when he realizes his wife has slipped him the ultimate mickey.
Gemini: Roy Petty
Any aspiring villains who celebrate their annual trip around the sun between May 21 and June 21 should come with a warning label because their Gemini "Ozark" antagonist is dirty FBI agent Roy Petty (Jason Butler Harner). Ruled by Mercury, this manipulative villain lives up to his sign as the most mercurial soul to land in the Byrde family's sphere. Despite Petty's government job, he is easily the least professional person in a town positively brimming with unsavory characters.
Haunting the Ozarks from a hotel room where he spends his time stewing in his own misery, the opportunistic Petty has no qualms about breaking the rules for his own gain, even when it means manipulating others to their breaking point. This includes plying a recovered addict with narcotics or screwing with the affections of closeted Russ Langmore. In fact, pushing others to their breaking points seems to be one of Petty's favorite job perks. Yet, beyond his monstrous temper and corrupted spirit, Petty isn't without his positive traits. He can be quite charming and clever when he wants to be, and these are the qualities he uses to win Russ Langmore's affections.
Cancer: Omar Navarro
As a cantankerous Cancer who celebrates their big day each year between June 22 and July 22, your "Ozark" villain is the formidable cartel kingpin Omar Navarro (Felix Solis). A complicated character, Navarro's greatest strengths are his shrewd business sense and ability to delegate, like when he's commanding his henchmen to address performance issues with Helen or threaten FBI agents.
Like many of the best small-screen druglords, this Cancer is more than just a volatile and commanding cartel boss with a penchant for dramatic murder. As Marty and Wendy learn when they visit his regal hacienda, Cancers like Navarro can throw a helluva party. Navarro can also tap into his softer side when he's spending time with his kids and dreams of retirement from the hustle and bustle of cartel life. Like many of his crabby brothers and sisters, Navarro can be magnanimous when it benefits him, but watch out because Cancers never truly forget — as anyone who has come into contact with their claws can attest to.
Leo: Helen Pierce
Some of the best villains are the quietly dangerous ones that smile to your face while stabbing you in the back. If your summer birthday celebration falls between July 23 and August 22, your kindred "Ozark" villain is ice queen and walking Talbots advertisement Helen Pierce. Simple and chilled as a dry white wine, Helen (Janet McTeer) is far more than just a simple attorney, overseeing a myriad of criminal activities on behalf of her boss Navarro. Ambitious and focused, Helen loves being in control and never lets ethical considerations or loyalties of any kind stand in the way of her ambition, even when it means going behind her boss's back.
While glimpses of Helen's emotions are as rare as the Hope Diamond, this force of nature in sensible business attire has a tender side that she shows to Jonah when she apologizes for everything he has been through. If you count yourself among the Leo pride, take a page from Helen's book and remember that everything is easier with a comfortable, high-end pair of loafers.
Virgo: Camino Del Rio
Do you get down to your birthday song between August 23 and September 22? Then the "Ozark" villain you most identify with according to your horoscope is the show's original villain Camino Del Rio (Esai Morales). As a lieutenant to cartel kingpin Omar Navarro, Del is a conscientious Virgo who takes pride in doing a job well done -– even when that means calmly executing dirty-dealing contract employees.
Like all good Virgos, Del can be both reasonable and curious, especially when it benefits the company's bottom line. It's the convergence of these traits in Del that gets the Byrdes unceremoniously shipped off to the Lake of the Ozarks after Marty begs for his life by suggesting the tourist hotbed as a money-laundering promised land. Sharp as a whip and eager to please the big boss, Virgo Del is highly dedicated to doing his job efficiently, which usually means forcing Marty to launder insane amounts of cash on a tight timeframe.
Although he pushes his underlings just past the edge of what they can handle, he always keeps his word. If you identify with Del's Virgo personality, try to keep your critical nature in check, as a careless comment is what brings this tough guy to his ultimate end.
Libra: Russ Langmore
"Ozark" fans whose birthdays fall in the fall between September 23 and October 23 identify with Libran lonely hearts club member Russ Langmore (Marc Menchaca). Unlike many of the villains that lurk around the Lake of the Ozarks, poor Russ doesn't yearn for power or control over others. Instead, this generally easygoing and peace-loving soul dreams of an easier life with a caring partner by his side. Don't take his Libran kindness for granted, though. He is only kind until crossed, and when he feels betrayed or cornered, he can be cruel beyond measure — as Ruth learns when her uncle turns on her.
Like most Libras, Russ finds solace in music, even making an imaginary trip from beyond the grave to soothe his son Wyatt's mournful soul with a D-minor rendition of "The Man Who Sold the World." Libras like this bearded and brawny slice of country-fried cheesecake bring balance to their worlds, but they carry a lot of pain. In Russ's case, he struggles with not being seen for who he truly is. It's too bad the only person who ever really does come out to is the corrupt-to-the-core agent Petty.
Scorpio: Mel Sattem
If you're a Scorpio who celebrates their birthday between October 24 and November 21, your "Ozark" villain icon is fatally flawed private detective Mel Sattem (Adam Rothenberg). Hailing from Chicago, this dedicated private investigator was too much of a hot mess to hack it in the Chicago Police Department. Sure, his raging coke habit got him booted from the force, but that just freed up this former homicide detective to travel the country listening to his crime-solving road trip playlist.
Mysterious Scorpio that he is, Mel starts poking around after Helen Pierce disappears and ends up following the investigation from one missing person to the next. The intrepid detective's hyper-obsessive scorpion nature kicks in when he realizes he has stumbled onto something sinister. If you're a Scorpio like Mel, be careful you don't get yourself stung with your own stinger. Unfortunately, Mel's scorpion traits of suspicion and perseverance turn out to be a deadly combination for him.
Sagittarius: Frank Cosgrove, Jr.
If your birthday comes during the holidays and you open your gifts between November 22 and December 21, you're a Sagittarius like dynamic "Ozark" villain and one-time Ruth nemesis Frank Cosgrove, Jr. The son of KC mob boss Frank Cosgrove, Frank Junior (Joseph Sikora) is one of the few characters in "Ozark" who manages to eke out some personal growth, proving he is much more than just a daddy's boy with a casino job.
Hotheaded Frank Junior says far too much of what's on his mind and doesn't play well with the Byrde crew at first, eventually escalating his feud with Ruth Langmore to the point of violence. After he gets wasted and nearly beats Ruth within an inch of her life, the Langmore lass has the last word when Darlene Snell finds Frank Junior in his car and rearranges his stick shift with her shotgun.
One of the best Sag traits is the Sagittarian ability to sail through life's many obstacles, and Frank Junior is no exception. Despite getting his junk blasted into his trunk, Frank Junior is easily able to forgive and forget, forging ahead to the future. He even manages to move on like a champ, forming something of a friendship with his former nemesis Ruth. And despite his immaturity early in the series, Frank Junior eventually begins to demonstrate a surprising level of capability in his line of work.
Capricorn: Javi Elizonndro
Capricorns who celebrate their birthdays between December 22 and January 19 share personality traits with one "Ozark" villain above all the others: Omar Navarro's nephew Javier Elizonndro (Alfonso Herrera). Heir apparent to the cartel throne as the druglord Navarro's second in command, Javi has a business degree and a sociopathic ability to kill without remorse, making him one of the more formidable adversaries in the series. As a focused and practical Capricorn, the Machiavellian Javi has learned to repress any pesky moral scruples or feelings that could potentially stand in the way of his ascension to power.
However, Javi's ambitious Capricorn nature isn't all there is to the package. He's also great at mixing business with pleasure -– mainly because he's never not working -– from wining and dining the Byrdes to drinking while trafficking. Unfortunately, his tendency to act fast without thinking through the consequences eventually comes back to haunt him when his attack on Darlene and Wyatt ends up being a bridge too far for Ruth.
Aquarius: Sue Shelby
If your birthday lands between January 20 and February 18, you may have a promising career as a morally compromised therapist ahead of you because your "Ozark" villain is Sue Shelby (Marylouise Burke). As the Lake of the Ozarks' quirkiest therapist, Sue Shelby knows how to stay in her lane –- by driving the flashy McLaren she purchased with money she extorted from the Byrdes.
Aquarians like Sue are naturally good listeners, and Sue loves taking in every sordid detail of Wendy and Marty Byrde's twisted personal and professional life. They can also be something of a handful, as the Byrdes learn when Sue realizes she has some dirt on them that she can use to help her realize her materialistic dreams. An outside-the-box thinker, Sue manages to play the two against each other for quite some time, primarily for her own enjoyment. But the little lady can hardly be blamed –- after all, her Aquarius nature just doesn't handle boredom well.
Pisces: Cade Langmore
Folks who break out their birthday party hats between February 19 and March 20 each spring will most identify with "Ozark" villain Cade Langmore (Trevor Long), who embodies the classic traits of a Pisces. The patriarch of the hard-luck and hard-living Langmore clan, Cade is Ruth's overbearing daddy with the personality traits of a militant sasquatch.
Like most Pisces, Cade is prone to fantasy, and those fantasies mainly revolve around scamming Marty Byrde for everything he has — even if he has to run his poor daughter into the ground to do it. A yokel but by no means a rube, Cade is fierce enough to knock the tar out of anyone who gets in his way and has no respect for the boundaries of others. He also suffers from the perennial Pisces fault of neediness, leeching off of others' success and hatching devious schemes rather than working to find his way in the world.