Which Of These Actor's Most Famous Characters Would Win In A Fight?
"Who would win in a fight?" is an age-old question. Cavemen probably chit-chatted about whether Nog could beat up Ung (our money's on Ung, btw), and it's been that way since the dawn of humanity. Personally, we remember having passionate schoolyard debates from kindergarten until college about who would win in a fight between Batman and Spider-Man, Godzilla and Gamera, or RoboCop and Terminator. Much ink and many pixels have been spilled on these topics, so we won't rehash those old debates, though with enough prep time, Batman could beat anyone except for Chuck Norris or MacGyver (armed with two rubber bands and a paperclip). However, there's another "who would win in a fight?" debate that we need to have instead — fights between a movie star's most famous characters!
Sadly, there's zero chance these fights will ever happen on the silver screen, mainly because the characters are mostly owned by different studios, so we're taking on the challenge ourselves. While we've analyzed their abilities and feel confident in our choices, we're pop culture geeks, not scientists. So while there are some selections you'll agree with, there are others you may not, but we stand by all of them. Join us as we definitively answer the ultimate question — which of these actor's most famous characters would win in a fight?
Harrison Ford: Han Solo vs. Indiana Jones
Harrison Ford's most famous roles are #1 and #2 on pretty much every "favorite characters ever" list, though the order is up to you. Do we want to see Indiana Jones and Han Solo fight? Honestly, no, we want to see them be best friends who go on adventures together (plus Marcus Brody and Chewie would be comedy gold), though that would be difficult considering one is a 1930s archaeologist and the other is a space pirate from "a long time ago." While it seems impossible for Indiana Jones and Han Solo to cross paths, it's actually happened ... kinda.
In an Elseworlds-esque Star Wars comic, the Millennium Falcon crash-lands on Earth in the 1800s, and Han is killed by a Native American tribe, only to be discovered 126 years later by Dr. Jones. Uh, dark. Like, what kind of crossover has one character brutally killed off more than a century before the other one finds his skeletal corpse? Traumatizing. Anyway, if Han and Indy were to fight, the winner depends on the scenario. If it's a "fair" fight, go with Dr. Jones, who outfought — or at least outsmarted — much bigger opponents. If it's not really a fight but two dudes threatening each other at a cantina on Tatooine, go with Solo (just ask Greedo #hanshotfirst). Since we have to pick a winner, we pick Indiana Jones since he's smarter and tougher, though either result would break our hearts. Winner: Indiana Jones.
Sylvester Stallone: Rocky Balboa vs. John Rambo
Sylvester Stallone became a movie star when underdog boxer Rocky Balboa became 1976's box office champ and 1977's Best Picture winner. But Stallone's "serious actor" phase was short-lived when he saw dollar signs with his other most famous character, super soldier John Rambo. While First Blood was a compelling action-drama, the subsequent sequels established Stallone's greased-up, musclebound, "one-man army" trope that defined him in the 1980s, even infiltrating the Rocky franchise. So, basically, imagine if Robert De Niro ditched serious drama for Delta Force, and you get the idea. Can't argue with the box office results, but we can argue about who'd win in a fight.
Turns out Rocky and Rambo have battled twice before ... at the box office. The Italian Stallion won round one when Rocky III knocked out First Blood in 1982, but the ex-soldier won round two when Rambo: First Blood Part II finished #2 in 1985, just ahead of Rocky IV. So who would win in an actual fight? Our heads are in conflict with our hearts, but this is an easy call — John Rambo. Dude's a Green freakin' Beret! Now, maybe Balboa would have a fighting chance in a boxing match, especially with a friendly Russian crowd chanting his name, but nowhere else. Rambo wins hands down, but after a second-act training montage, Rocky could conceivably find the "eye of the tiger," but no way he draws first blood. Winner: John Rambo.
Arnold Triple Threat: Conan vs. T-800 vs. Dutch
Arnold Schwarzenegger plays himself in everything. He's been Evil Robot Arnold, Good Robot Arnold, Russian Arnold, Suburban Spy Arnold, even Pregnant Arnold! That said, we've managed to narrow it down to the three quintessential Schwarzenegger roles — the T-800, Conan, and Major Alan Schaefer, aka Dutch from Predator. We're excluding the Governator because, obviously, he'd just call in the California National Guard. Also, our T-800 is the evil one from The Terminator, not the good one from the later movies, as the first is probably the toughest and would make for the most interesting matchup. So who wins this triple threat?
You may think the T-800 would run away with it, being an evil robot assassin from the future and all, but remember, he lost to Sarah Connor before she became a badass, so he'd meet his own Judgment Day, especially without a weapon. Conan with a sword, and a magic one at that, is a formidable foe, but he's also too reckless. Besides a magic sword won't do too much against the other Arnolds' automatic firearms. Our winner? Dutch. The Dude beat a Predator without even knowing what it was and with nothing but the South American jungle as his weapon! Both Conan and the T-800 bleed (so to speak), so Dutch could kill them, at least with time to prepare. In a battle with Major Dutch, the T-800 and Conan's only option is to "get to the choppa." Winner: Dutch.
Jennifer Lawrence: Mystique vs. Katniss Everdeen
Jennifer Lawrence made waves and won raves for her role in 2010's Winter's Bone. With "future movie star" written all over her, JLaw did what most critically acclaimed indie darlings do — she signed on to do a comic book movie! In 2011's X-Men: First Class, Lawrence signed on to play Mystique, the blue, shape-shifting mutant originally portrayed by Rebecca Romijn in the first three X-Men movies. While Mystique was a supporting role in the original three films, Lawrence's star power, which skyrocketed with 2012's The Hunger Games and her Oscar win for 2013's Silver Linings Playbook, elevated Mystique's role in the new X-Men series to a lead part, and it became one of Lawrence's most famous characters (despite the franchise's diminishing returns).
Mystique's also the only other Lawrence character who'd stand a chance in a fight against Katniss Everdeen. Well, she wouldn't just stand a chance — she'd win! We're expecting some rage from our YA fans, but while Everdeen is an extremely skilled hunter of the most dangerous game, Mystique is a shape-shifter and could transform into Gale Hawthorne long enough to take out Katniss. While Mystique won't be winning Lawrence any Oscars, she'd definitely win this fight. Winner: Mystique
Henry Cavill: Superman vs. Geralt of Rivia
This is the most one-sided fight on this entire list. The Man of Steel would destroy the Witcher without breaking a superpowered sweat. And we could just end there.
Okay, okay, while Henry Cavill's Geralt has pretty much zero chance against his Superman, we can entertain how Geralt may have a shot — magic. Even your great-grandmother knows Superman's greatest weakness is Kryptonite, but it's less well-known that the Last Son of Krypton is also susceptible to magic. It's why a pipsqueak little imp like Mister Mxyzptlk gives him so much trouble. While Geralt probably wouldn't have irradiated pieces of Superman's homeworld lying around on "the Continent," he'd definitely have magic, especially if his quarter-elf sorcerer lover, Yennefer of Vengerberg, lent a hand.
Also, Geralt's no slouch in the superhuman abilities department (he's just no Superman), so he has a slim shot with proper preparation. After all, Batman beat Cavill's Superman in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, so Geralt could, too. But here's the catch. In that Batman fight, Supes held back. He's not only the planet's most powerful being, he's also the world's nicest guy. Geralt's not, so he has that going for him, but if the Big Blue Boy Scout didn't hold back or only held back a little bit, then the Man of Tomorrow would punch the Witcher into tomorrow (or whichever one of the Netflix's series' multiple timelines he was in last). Winner: Superman
Dwayne Johnson Battle Royal!
The Scorpion King vs. Luke Hobbs vs. Dr. Bravestone vs. the Rock. With four fighters, Dwayne Johnson has the largest famous character showdown on this list, but what else would you expect from the world's biggest star, literally and figuratively? For the Scorpion King, we're going with the human warrior Mathayus from the 2002 film, not the scorpion-monster from The Mummy Returns (the worst big-budget CG character ever). And by the Rock, we mean his WWE wrestling persona, specifically when he was the top babyface (good guy) in 2000, arguably his most popular period. Who has a chance in this musclebound battle royal? You could make a case for any of them.
The Scorpion King is an ancient Akkadian warrior, while Luke Hobbs is a contemporary American super agent. Dr. Smolder Bravestone is a video game character with a sizzling stare, while the Rock is a pro wrestler with "the People's Eyebrow." This is tough, but we're going with what's sure to be a controversial choice — the Rock. But there's a caveat. Vince McMahon is promoting this fight. Since it's all pre-determined anyway (don't say fake), McMahon's obviously going to book his biggest star to win, ideally in the main event at WrestleMania. It won't be easy, but when the dust finally settles, the Rock will have laid the smackdown on the Scorpion King, Hobbs, and Dr. Bravestone. Do ya smell what we're cookin? Probably not, but it's our list. Winner: The Rock
Vin Diesel: Dominic Toretto vs. Xander Cage
Vin Diesel's characters aren't dudes you'd want to meet in a dark alley (or any alley for that matter). But his most famous roles share one thing in common — they'd win a fight against just about anybody. So who'd win a fight between them? We're excluding Richard B. Riddick, considering that all three Riddick movies tanked, so the character isn't one of his "most famous." In fact, the three Riddick movies combined worldwide gross earned about $120 million less than only Furious 7's domestic gross. So while the ferocious Furyan would probably win the fight, nobody would know because nobody would go watch the movie. So, who wins between Dominic "Dom" Toretto and Xander "xXx" Cage?
This is a tough call, as they're both super similar. Actually, the more we think about it, they're honestly the same. One's a street car racer who becomes a globetrotting super spy, while the other is an extreme athlete who becomes ... a globetrotting super spy. We're going to give the nod to Dom, especially if he has his "family" with him, though we think he could take Cage on his own. For one, Dom beat Dwayne Johnson's Luke Hobbs, and two, he grew up on the street, while Cage's extreme sports background is so early 2000s (don't @ us). Winner: Dom.
Will Smith: Capt. Hiller vs. Agent J
Will Smith's most famous character is Will Smith, aka the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, but let's be honest, he's not winning any fight. The reason he moved to the tony Los Angeles enclave of Bel-Air in the first place was because of a fight (now you have the song stuck in your head). Besides, the fictional Smith would much rather watch from the sidelines and maybe freestyle a tie-in hip hop song. So we've narrowed our combatants down to Independence Day's Captain Steven Hiller and Men in Black's Agent J. Sorry to you Wild Wild West fans, but Jim West didn't make the cut. Which Will Smith wins?
While Agent J is definitely tough, he's also partially a comic relief character, whereas Capt. Hiller is a straight-up action hero who drops well-timed wisecracks now and then. On the other hand, Agent J has way more experience taking on the scum of the universe. This is tough ... but we're going to go with Capt. Hiller. While he was only in one movie compared to Agent J's three films, he made a pretty big impression when he knocked out an eight-foot-tall, bio-mechanical alien "suit" with one blow. One blow! It's a close match, but when the fat lady sings, only one Will Smith character is lighting the celebratory cigar. Winner: Capt. Hiller
Kurt Russell: Jack Burton vs. Snake Plissken
Oh man, this would be so cool. Frankly, what we'd really love to see is Jack Burton driving Snake Plissken around in the Pork Chop Express to save someone in a post-apocalyptic San Francisco. Escape from Chinatown? Make it happen, John Carpenter! Alas, these two are going to have to fight, and in a mano-a-mano, Jack Burton is simply no match for Snake Plissken.
While he was definitely a "tough guy," Burton was a bit of a braggadocios, bullheaded, but lovable doofus. Heck, he knocked himself out during Big Trouble in Little China's climatic fight, though he definitely deserves points for catching the evil ancient sorcerer David Lo Pan's knife in mid-air and throwing it back into his head. That might even impress Plissken, but not much else about Burton would. Escape from New York's Snake Plissken was a former Special Forces soldier who robbed the Federal Reserve, and he was so skilled that they sent him to rescue the president in a post-apocalyptic penal colony the size of Manhattan. While we hope he'd last long enough to drop a snarky one-liner about Snake's missing eye, in a one-on-one fight, Jack Burton better escape from wherever because he's in big trouble. Winner: Snake Plissken
Pam Grier Triple Threat: Coffy vs. Foxy Brown vs. Jackie Brown
Pam Grier was an icon of 1970s blaxploitation cinema through two of her most famous characters, Coffy and Foxy Brown, and she had a late-career comeback in Quentin Tarantino's underappreciated 1997 film, Jackie Brown. So, who wins a showdown between Coffy, Foxy Brown, and Jackie Brown? Let's consider the competitors. Coffy is an unassuming nurse who becomes "the baddest one-chick-hit-squad that ever hit town" as a gun-toting vigilante seeking vengeance against street criminals (a full year before Charles Bronson's similar Death Wish). Grier parlayed this into another successful role as a vigilante seeking revenge, Foxy Brown, "the meanest chick in town." The poster put it best when it said, "She's brown sugar and spice, but if you don't treat her nice, she'll put you on ice!"
Over 20 years later, as an homage to her earlier work, Tarantino cast Grier in the title role of Jackie Brown, a middle-aged stewardess who steals $500,000 from the arms dealer she smuggles money for. Jackie's smart, but she's no fighter, so she's out, leaving us with Coffy and Foxy Brown. While both characters are nearly identical (that was the point), Coffy took on the mob, while Foxy took on a drug syndicate, so we'll give Brown the nod. You can go either way, though, and you'll get no argument from us. Winner: Foxy Brown
Sigourney Weaver: Lt. Ellen Ripley vs. Dr. Grace Augustine
Sigourney Weaver and extraterrestrials make a powerful combination. Weaver's most famous role is Lt. Ellen Ripley in the Alien series, and her most successful role (at the box office at least) is Dr. Grace Augustine, the xenobotanist in charge of the Avatar Program in Avatar, one of the biggest box office hits ever. To give you an idea of Avatar's success, the 2009 blockbuster made more domestically than all four of Weaver's Alien movies combined (not counting for inflation) at the worldwide box office — and Weaver's Alien movies were huge hits!
But this isn't a battle at the box office. Weaver's characters are throwing hands, and in this fight, we're going with Lt. Ripley over Dr. Augustine. Just one on one, it's a badass space warrior against a scientist, but even if Dr. Grace mind-melded into her Na'vi avatar, Ripley has taken on far more dangerous extraterrestrials. A queen Xenomorph (or even a soldier Xenomorph) would make short work of a Na'vi, and Ripley is 4-0 against them. Say Grace slips into her Na'vi avatar, Ripley can just hop into her exo-suit from Aliens. We're not saying it would be easy, but we will say there's no other outcome. Winner: Ellen Ripley
Keanu Reeves: Neo vs. John Wick
Despite a mostly successful early career, Keanu Reeves didn't reach "legendary status" until 1999's uber-influential The Matrix as Neo. When The Matrix series fizzled out after 2003's The Matrix Revolutions, so did Reeves' career, until he became the vengeance-seeking assassin in 2014's John Wick. Now, Reeves is the internet's boyfriend, and all's right with the universe again. But what if Neo and John Wick were to tussle?
They almost did, at the box office at least, as Lionsgate and Warner Brothers originally scheduled the fourth films of each series on the same weekend before John Wick 4 moved. How would it play out in an actual fight, though? In the real world, Wick kills nerdy computer programmer Neo in 0.75 seconds with his own laptop. Inside the Matrix however, Neo is "the One" and has virtually god-like powers, with mastery of pretty much everything, as well as super speed, strength, and flight. Neo would destroy John Wick and the entire Continental. So really, this is a draw, as neither character is any match for the other on his respective turf. However, we have to pick a winner, and Neo at his best beats John Wick at his best. That said, if Neo killed John Wick's dog, all bets are off. Winner: Neo