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Avengers: Endgame theories that make absolutely no sense

Avengers: Endgame begs for speculation. It's the product of over a decade's worth of stories from close to a dozen different franchises. The stories involve intergalactic warlords, ancient orders of wizards, and wise-cracking teenagers who dropkick muggers and dress like spiders. Watch the MCU films enough times, get to know the players and the stories, and it becomes far too tempting to not come up with your own theory about what's coming next no matter how far-fetched it might be. After all, we're talking about time-lost super soldiers and hammer-wielding gods. "Far-fetched" is kind of par for the course. 

Unfortunately, we can't all be right. Inevitably, for every fan theory about Avengers: Endgame that comes close to the mark, there are going to be a bunch of theories that don't come within a hundred miles. Some theories are 99% wishful thinking, some don't take character into account, and some of the most popular theories have been flat-out denied by Infinity War and Endgame directors Joe and Anthony Russo. Still there are some that just make no sense at all and, if they turn out to be right, will make for a much more disappointing Endgame than any fans expect. 

Here's a brief tour of some of the Avengers: Endgame theories that, for one reason or another, just don't make any sense.

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No Rescue to the rescue

Since the release of the Avengers: Endgame trailer, fans have speculated about exactly how Tony Stark (Robert Downey Jr.) is going to be rescued. Many seem to think Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) is a top contender because of her time as the hero Rescue in Marvel's comics. Leaks from the set of Endgame seem to confirm Potts will be wearing armor, and what better introduction for Rescue than to rescue her fiancee?

While Pepper may eventually rescue Tony while armored up, the notion that she'll be the one to save him from dying in space doesn't make sense. 

First, how would Pepper be able to figure out where Tony is? Pepper has the resources of Stark Industries, a company that has never, as far as we've seen, shown any kind of interest in space exploration. Second, the assumption that she would be able to use a Rescue suit to survive in space is unfounded. We've seen two instances — in Iron Man and Avengers – in which Tony's suits failed to survive outside Earth's atmosphere. Why would Pepper, who was no specific scientific knowledge or talent, be able to figure it out on the fly? Third, even if Pepper could find Tony and somehow had a suit that protected her in space, how would she get to Tony? Being able to survive in space is one thing; having the means to travel to a distant planet in a short amount of time is another.

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X does NOT mark the spot

No matter how many times Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige goes on the record that it will literally be "years" before Disney's acquisition of Fox has narrative impacts on the MCU, plenty of fans insist Avengers: Endgame will finally introduce the X-Men to the story. A lot of those fans take to Reddit to post what they try to pass off as theories, but really end up reading as pitches to Marvel Studios. Regardless, the more complex the theory, the more traction it will get on the web, whether or not it's absolute nonsense.

Take Redditor meme_abstinent, who believes mutant powers will be activated by a human making physical contact with an Infinity Stone. The only minor detail meme_abstinent seems to forget is that in Guardians of the Galaxy we learned making physical contact with Infinity Stones causes humans to explode. Then there's PhobetorWorse, who theorized that Thanos' initial snap would somehow also awaken dormant mutant genes among the populace. Why would that happen? When half the people die, the surviving half get super powers? Is that a Fight Club rule or something?

The truth is that Joe and Anthony Russo have a lot on their Avengers: Endgame to-do list. Would you want to add "establish three or four new franchises" on top of that? Will Endgame somehow lay the foundation for the introduction of the Fox properties? Maybe. Will you see Wolverine fighting Thanos? No. No, you won't. 

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We do NOT have a Hulk (at least not that one)

The theory that Loki survived Avengers: Infinity War by disguising himself as the Hulk — and that this was why Bruce Banner couldn't Hulk Out for most of the movie — has already been debunked. The Infinity War home release commentary included an explanation for Hulk's absence that had nothing to do with Loki, and more recently the Russo brothers said "Loki is dead."

But even before the Russos chimed in, two scenes in Infinity War proved this theory was nonsense.

The first scene is during the battle in NYC with the Black Order. Banner tries to push Hulk out and we see part of his face transform just long enough for Hulk to say "No!" Banner falls on his back and yells, "what do you mean, 'No?'" The other heroes are busy fighting the Black Order. If this was really Loki, he was acting to an empty theater. There's no one around to fool. The second scene is during the Battle of Wakanda. When Banner fights Cull Obsidian in the Hulkbuster armor, he pleads with Hulk, who again tells him no. After Banner kills Obsidian, he says, "Hulk. We got a lot to figure out, pal." None of the other heroes are nearby and Banner is encased in a massive suit of armor.  

If Loki were disguised as Banner, the Russos wouldn't include scenes showing him all by himself and still "in character." Loki may be the god of mischief, but he isn't a freaking method actor.

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You are NOT Groot

Some fans think that while Groot was one of the heroes to get dusted by Thanos' Decimation, Avengers: Endgame will bring us Groot Vol. 3. This theory suggests that because the handle of Thor's new hammer Stormbreaker was fashioned from Groot's body, a new Groot will grow from it.

There are at least a few things wrong with this theory. First, it forgets that Groot's discarded wood sheddings (or whatever you want to call what he leaves behind) don't magically sprout new Groots. Before the final battle in Guardians of the Galaxy, we see Groot pluck a spore from his body. Groot had to prepare for his spawn to grow. He doesn't just expect whatever falls off his body to become a new Groot. Second, even if any former piece of Groot could automatically become a new Groot, that piece of Groot wrapped itself around an axe-head that had just been heated by a star. If it wasn't unGrootable before, it is now. 

Third… why? What would be the point of the Stormbreaker handle growing a new Groot? Are you expecting Thor to turn to Captain America and say, "Well, I didn't think we stood a chance against Thanos. But then my hammer handle became Groot! So now we have a tiny new Groot in a pot full of dirt that can't do anything but dance when no one's looking. And I don't have a hammer. Again. Boy, Thanos is in trouble now."

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No chimichangas

While he may not exactly be the family-friendly sort, one fan theory not only suggests Deadpool will appear in Endgame, but that he's the key to the Avengers' victory. The theory says Ant-Man will use the Quantum Realm tunnel from Ant-Man & The Wasp to travel to Deadpool's alternate reality. Ant-Man will somehow get Cable's time machine from Deadpool, go back to the MCU reality, and use Cable's time machine to undo Thanos' Decimation.

It's a fun idea, especially if Deadpool comes back with Ant-Man, but it doesn't make a lot of sense. On one hand, the Disney-Fox deal wasn't finalized until July 2018. Did that give the Russos enough time to fit in a funny Deadpool cameo? Maybe. To make him the key to the whole movie? Yeah, not so much. 

On the other hand, exactly how many time travel devices do we need in Avengers: Endgame? We already have the Time Stone and the Quantum Realm tunnel. Why do we need Cable's time machine? Did the Russo brothers take over the Avengers franchise to beat the record of "Number of Time Travel Devices Used in a Major Motion Picture?" Will the Tardis be in Endgame? How about Doc Brown's DeLorean? Why don't we just throw those guys from Time Bandits in there too? Oh, and Hot Tub Time Machine! Get all the time machines in Endgame. That's how you fight evil. Maximum time machines.

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This is no time at all

Reddit user LA-Confidential posited an interesting theory about the Time Stone. According to the theory, Strange used the Time Stone to trap Thanos in a time loop, just as he did to Dormammu at the end of Doctor Strange; this is why Strange needed to keep Iron Man alive, because Stark would be able to figure out what happened.

One of the theory's key pieces of evidence is also its downfall. When Strange casts the time loop spell in Doctor Strange, you see the spell's activation as glowing green rings on his left wrist. LA-Confidential points out that when Strange finally hands the Time Stone over to Thanos, we never see the wizard's left wrist. The theory suggests if the camera angle showed us that wrist, we would see the green rings of the time loop spell. 

This theory ignores something important: perspective. Thanos is not a member of the audience and is not limited by camera angles. LA-Confidential is right that we can't see Doctor Strange's left wrist, but Thanos can. Why wouldn't he? He's looking right at him. He expects a trick from Strange. About Strange's left hand, LA-Confidential writes, "maybe [Strange has] got it hidden under the cloak, maybe he's sitting on it." Sitting on it? The guy who saw through Loki's deception, who knew Gamora had found the Soul Stone, isn't going to notice the dude is sitting on his hand? They call him the "Mad" Titan. Not the "Moron" Titan.

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You can't go home again

You can't blame fans for wanting a happy ending for Steve Rogers. He never got that dance with Peggy Carter back in the '40s and by the time he reunited with her, she had already lived a full life and was close to death. Now a lot of fans are theorizing — assuming time travel will be as crucial to Endgame as they think it will be — that Captain America is going to take the opportunity to stop being what Loki called a "man out of time." He's going to go back to the '40s and he's going to stay there. 

It's a romantic and almost tear-jerking idea. The problem is that it forgets precisely who Captain America is. 

For Steve Rogers to go back to World War II and live out the rest of his natural life would radically alter the MCU timeline. He wouldn't be there for the Battle of New York, for Sokovia, or to stop Hydra and Project Insight. And there are plenty of other completely unpredictable ways he could unintentionally change things. You could argue that considering everything he's sacrificed over the years that he deserves it regardless of the cost, but he wouldn't agree. Cap would never knowingly put the timeline at risk. The only way this theory could make sense is if he had no choice; if he was stuck in the past. Even then, he wouldn't give up trying to get back to the present. 

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No strings on him

Since the release of the Avengers: Endgame trailer, a theory has been kicking around about the return of Ultron. Tony Stark conceived Ultron as the first line of defense against another alien assault on Earth. Now that the assault has come, some argue Stark is going to bring his big bad superbot back to help in the fight against Thanos. 

So first, the math doesn't add up here. Ultron couldn't defeat the Avengers. The Avengers, who defeated Ultron, couldn't defeat Thanos. So why would Stark or any of the Avengers think Ultron could defeat Thanos? That would be like if, when confronted by the Hulk in Thor: Ragnarok, Thor had said to himself, "Hmm. I don't know if I can beat this guy. Maybe I should see if Loki can do it."

And second, how drunk will the Avengers have to be to let Stark try something like this again? Half the people in the universe are dead, the Avengers are traumatized and desperate to defeat Thanos; they're going to let Stark try something that not only didn't work before, but went horribly wrong and caused the deaths of many civilians, not to mention the first death of an MCU Avenger (Quicksilver). No, they'd probably leave him in space before they'd let him try that again.

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Matter over Mind

In September 2018, Reddit user zaneman777 posted an idea that got a lot of attention across the web: the Mind Stone is the true villain of Avengers: Infinity War. He says that when the Mind Stone is involved, millions of lives are at risk. He suggests the Stone affected characters in ways we didn't know about — it caused S.H.I.E.L.D. to go bad, drove Loki nuts, got Tony Stark to build Ultron, and was the source of Thanos' genocidal ideas. 

The truth is this theory is one of the easiest to knock over. First, his theories about the Stone driving characters nuts doesn't hold up. Loki murdered his biological father and attempted to wipe out his own race before he got the Stone. Hydra was gestating inside S.H.I.E.L.D. for decades before the Mind Stone came to them. We know Thanos was promoting genocide before he got the Stone; it's why he went in search of it in the first place. And Stark conceived of Ultron before contacting the Stone. Second, yeah, millions of lives are at risk when the Stone shows up. They're superhero movies. Millions of lives are always at risk. Kind of par for the course.

Third, Thanos was an incredibly successful villain. So the Russo brothers are going to replace him with a rock? That'll make for some dynamic fight scenes. "Get the rock, Avengers! Before it… gradually erodes."