Bart's Most Savage Chalkboard Jokes From The Simpsons

For more than 30 years, the Simpsons have been one of America's most beloved dysfunctional nuclear families. During that time, they've earned praise for entertaining viewers with witty, charming insights, along with poignant, heartfelt moments with a surprising maturity level. In addition to making audiences laugh and think reflectively, The Simpsons, as a show, has also experienced its fair share of controversy over the years. Many viewers have taken offense with topics covered in various episodes, or gotten annoyed with conflicting storylines and chronology. Others disapprove of the portrayal of Springfield's resident convenience store owner and operator, Apu, arguing that it perpetuates negative racial stereotypes.

Bart is another character who sparks some of the show's most heated controversy. He's been criticized as setting a "poor example" for younger audiences and promoting offensive behavior. His bad attitude, rebellious nature, and smart mouth even caused a ban on Bart t-shirts in many schools nationwide during the '90s. Some of Bart's most memorable moments have taken place during the chalkboard gags in the show's opening sequences that have become fan favorites, inspiring real-life Bart chalkboard generators for those wishing to see their custom text scribbled out. Bart has written many memorable and controversial statements on his school's chalkboard over the years — some attack school faculty and politicians, others criticize current events, while still others are colorful innuendos and puns. With all that in mind, let's take a look at some of Bart's most savage Simpsons chalkboard gags.

During their time on television, The Simpsons have become infamous for predicting the future. They mocked the idea of using chemicals found in gym mats as hidden fillers in processed foods in "The PTA Disbands" back in 1995 — which, grossly enough, turned out to be true in 2014. Homer Simpson even got pretty close to guessing the weight of the recently discovered Higgs boson particle in the 1998 episode "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace."

The Simpsons made one of their more divisive predictions to date in "Bart to the Future," which originally aired in 2000. The episode takes place in the year 2030, when Lisa has just become President of the United States and is facing quite a budget crunch thanks to the previous Commander in Chief, President Trump — who'd held office since 2017.

Their prediction of the 2016 election results is uncanny, and is noted in the chalkboard gag for "Havana Wild Weekend," when Bart writes "Being right sucks."

Many of Bart's chalkboard quotes are peppered with evocative innuendo and playful puns. He apparently couldn't "stop talking about the twelve inch pianist" in "Marge Be Not Proud," and makes a nod to Sir Mix-A-Lot when he notes "Sherri does not 'got back'" in "Wild Barts Can't Be Broken."

In one of his more colorful innuendoes, Bart vows not to "hang donuts on his person" during "Bart Vs. Australia," not to "make fun of Cupid's dink" in "The Blue and The Grey," and acknowledges that "Pork is not a verb" in "Brother's Little Helper." Bart apparently shares rejected words of wisdom when he is seen writing "Chili fries do not go in like a lamb and out like a lion," in "101 Mitigations."

Things get taken to the next level during the opening sequence for the episode "Pray Anything," when Bart scribbles out "SpongeBob is not a contraceptive." Gotta give the kid credit for creativity, right?

One current event that's been noted recently by The Simpsons stands out from the rest. Throughout 2020, the United States faced the first waves of the COVID-19 pandemic, along with the rest of the world. Seemingly overnight, countless people found themselves struggling to adapt to a new way of life.

In an attempt to stem the tide, many offices went virtual — and so did schools. Parents everywhere suddenly found themselves trying to help their children navigate online classrooms and curricula. Not even The Simpsons have been immune to the chaos of today's turbulent world.

As a way to honor these drastic and traumatic changes, The Simpsons modified their chalkboard gag for the episode that aired on April 19, 2020. In the chalkboard gag for "The Incredible Lightness of Being a Baby," Bart's classroom is empty, and a single line on the board reads "School online" — a poignant nod to current events that resonated with students, parents, and teachers everywhere.

Ralph Wiggum is one of the more bizarre characters on the show. He's a cute, sweet little boy, which makes him endearing, but he's also odd and as brainless as Spunky on Rocko's Modern Life. He's constantly sticking random objects up his nose, and speaks in random mixed metaphors and non-sequiturs.

Ralph also has moments that hint at a much darker side to this seemingly innocuous character, like when he mentions the leprechaun in his head who "tells me to burn things." Bart has noticed Ralph's many quirks, and is constantly teasing him for it — even during chalkboard gags.

In the intro to "Fear of Flying," he writes "Ralph won't 'morph' if you squeeze him hard enough" — a reference to color-morphing stress balls that were popular at the time the show aired. One of Bart's more savage notes concerning his odd classmate can be seen in "Apoocalypse Cow," in which he writes, "A person's a person, no matter how Ralph."

Being a parent is a massive blessing, but it can also be incredibly frustrating. Learning to not lose one's patience while maneuvering all the challenges of raising a child requires constant energy and emotional management. Having a problem child like Bart must make it even harder to exercise well-balanced discipline.

For better or worse, Homer takes the opposite approach to parenting, strangling Bart whenever he loses patience with him. The act is most often preceded by him exclaiming "Why, you little!" In the zany, fictional, physics-defying world of cartoons, strangling one's child can actually be humorous, rather than horrific.

However, this is one bit from the show that hasn't aged quite as well as others over the last 30 years. Even though it's set in the context of humor, it can still be hard to look at. This is eloquently touched upon during the chalkboard gag for "Frink Gets Testy," in which Homer can be seen writing "Strangling is not an effective parenting tool" as Bart smugly watches.

Mothers are the cornerstones of their households, especially one like Marge Simpson. She loves Bart unconditionally, even if he makes it really difficult to do so at times. Considering all she puts up with, one would think he would do all he could to make Mother's Day extra special.

Unfortunately, it seems the exact opposite holds true, as seen in various chalkboard quotes. In the intro to "Children of a Lesser Clod," he writes, " Today is not Mothra's Day," while in "Homer Scissorhands" he notes that "Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present." Another questionable Mother's Day gift is mentioned in "To Courier With Love," when he writes, "Dirty clothes are not a Mother's Day gift."

In the intro to "Homer Scissorhands," he remarks, "I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being 'one badass mother.'" During one of Bart's kinder, more lucid moments, he writes "Call your mother during the commercials" in the chalkboard gag for "Ned'N'Edna's Blend."

Another major Simpsons character who passed away on the show is Bart's teacher, Edna Krabappel. During the 25th season, the actor who voiced the character, Marcia Wallace, passed away. As a result, Mrs. Krabappel's arc came to an end, and the planned death of another major character, as mentioned by Al Jean not long before, was delayed until the following year. Creators felt her loss was more than enough for one season.

As a humble way to pay respect to her memory, Bart's normally savage tone was tamed for the chalkboard gag opening the episode following Wallace's passing, "Four Regrettings and a Funeral." Written just once by a forlorn-looking Bart are the words, "We'll really miss you, Mrs. K."

A few other chalkboard quotes have honored the voice actors in other ways. In "Dead Putting Society," Bart writes, "I am not a 32-year-old woman" — a reference to Nancy Cartwright, who voices Bart and who was 32 at the time. And in the intro to "The Trouble With Trillions," Bart references real-life demands being made by the voice actors at the time for higher pay. It goes to show that sometimes even Bart can be kind and think of others first.