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Bart's Most Savage Chalkboard Jokes From The Simpsons

For more than 30 years, the Simpsons have been one of America's most beloved dysfunctional nuclear families. During that time, they've earned praise for entertaining viewers with witty, charming insights, along with poignant, heartfelt moments with a surprising maturity level. In addition to making audiences laugh and think reflectively, The Simpsons, as a show, has also experienced its fair share of controversy over the years. Many viewers have taken offense with topics covered in various episodes, or gotten annoyed with conflicting storylines and chronology. Others disapprove of the portrayal of Springfield's resident convenience store owner and operator, Apu, arguing that it perpetuates negative racial stereotypes.

Bart is another character who sparks some of the show's most heated controversy. He's been criticized as setting a "poor example" for younger audiences and promoting offensive behavior. His bad attitude, rebellious nature, and smart mouth even caused a ban on Bart t-shirts in many schools nationwide during the '90s. Some of Bart's most memorable moments have taken place during the chalkboard gags in the show's opening sequences that have become fan favorites, inspiring real-life Bart chalkboard generators for those wishing to see their custom text scribbled out. Bart has written many memorable and controversial statements on his school's chalkboard over the years — some attack school faculty and politicians, others criticize current events, while still others are colorful innuendos and puns. With all that in mind, let's take a look at some of Bart's most savage Simpsons chalkboard gags.

Bart harasses the faculty

Teachers set the foundation for tomorrow's leaders, yet they unfortunately also struggle to secure fair wages and working conditions. They also have to put up with problem students like Bart Simpson. His penchant for stirring up trouble is the reason why he's perpetually writing lines in the first place. Time and again, he's ruthlessly attacked the faculty of Springfield Elementary School with smart-mouth remarks, devious pranks, and wisecracks.

Bart's teacher, Edna Krabappel, has especially suffered his verbal abuses — as seen in his questionable remarks concerning her appearance in the intro for the episode "The Ziff Who Came to Dinner." Other Bart chalkboard notes regarding Mrs. Krabappel include "I will not call my teacher 'Hot Cakes'," as seen in "Homer's Night Out," "I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface," in "The Springfield Connection," and "I will not hide the teacher's Prozac," in "SimpsoncalifragilisticexpialaD'oh-cious."

Bart has also remarked on Mrs. Krabappel's love life, claiming "Teacher was not dumped — it was mutual" in "We're on the Road to D'oh-where," and "Over 40 & single is not funny" in "Today, I Am a Clown." Ouch, maybe that '90s school shirt ban is more understandable now.

The Simpsons correctly predict the 2016 election

During their time on television, The Simpsons have become infamous for predicting the future. They mocked the idea of using chemicals found in gym mats as hidden fillers in processed foods in "The PTA Disbands" back in 1995 — which, grossly enough, turned out to be true in 2014. Homer Simpson even got pretty close to guessing the weight of the recently discovered Higgs boson particle in the 1998 episode "The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace."

The Simpsons made one of their more divisive predictions to date in "Bart to the Future," which originally aired in 2000. The episode takes place in the year 2030, when Lisa has just become President of the United States and is facing quite a budget crunch thanks to the previous Commander in Chief, President Trump — who'd held office since 2017.

Their prediction of the 2016 election results is uncanny, and is noted in the chalkboard gag for "Havana Wild Weekend," when Bart writes "Being right sucks."

Some untrue rumors can never be lived down

In addition to school faculty, topics related to social commentary have also been a target of Bart's savage chalkboard jokes. When MTV transitioned from 24/7 music videos to reality TV, Bart retaliated by writing "I no longer want my MTV" on the chalkboard in the intro for "Lisa's Sax."

He claims the show Lost was "all a dog's dream" in "Judge Me Tender" — and he wasn't too far off, in the end. Bart also remarks on darker aspects of US history when he writes "The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens" in "Husbands and Knives," and notes that "Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King" in "Homer the Father."

One chalkboard quote from the episode "The Cartridge Family" really hits below the belt. It reads "Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story," in regards to debunked rumors involving the famous actor's supposed affinity for hamsters. One can't help but feel bad for the gentleman having to put up with such a pervasive defamation of his character.

SpongeBob is not a contraceptive

Many of Bart's chalkboard quotes are peppered with evocative innuendo and playful puns. He apparently couldn't "stop talking about the twelve inch pianist" in "Marge Be Not Proud," and makes a nod to Sir Mix-A-Lot when he notes "Sherri does not 'got back'" in "Wild Barts Can't Be Broken."

In one of his more colorful innuendoes, Bart vows not to "hang donuts on his person" during "Bart Vs. Australia," not to "make fun of Cupid's dink" in "The Blue and The Grey," and acknowledges that "Pork is not a verb" in "Brother's Little Helper." Bart apparently shares rejected words of wisdom when he is seen writing "Chili fries do not go in like a lamb and out like a lion," in "101 Mitigations."

Things get taken to the next level during the opening sequence for the episode "Pray Anything," when Bart scribbles out "SpongeBob is not a contraceptive." Gotta give the kid credit for creativity, right?

Self-reflections and other deep thoughts

The writing team behind The Simpsons is no stranger to crafting scenarios that break — make that decimate — the fourth wall, and the show's opening sequences and chalkboard jokes follow suit. Bart cuts corners while writing "I will not cut corners" in "One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish" — by only writing the line out six times, before filling out the remaining lines with "ditto" quotation marks.

He tongue-in-cheekily remarks "This punishment is not boring and pointless" in "Kamp Krusty," and writes "I'm sorry I broke the blackboard" on a whiteboard in "Black-Eyed, Please." In reference to how critics described South Park when it first aired, Bart writes "I'm not Charlie Brown on acid" in "The Blunder Years." He pokes fun of the show airing its hundredth episode by writing "I will not celebrate meaningless milestones" in "Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song."

After Butterfinger canceled their Simpsons ad campaign due to blatant jabs toward the company on the show, Bart remarked "I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers" in "Half-Decent Proposal." When The Simpsons hit the big screen and got their own movie in 2007, Bart promised not to "illegally download this movie" in the intro. He also joked that he "will never win an Emmy" in "Homer's Barbershop Quartet," even though the show had already been awarded nine by that point.

The Simpsons practice social distancing

One current event that's been noted recently by The Simpsons stands out from the rest. Throughout 2020, the United States faced the first waves of the COVID-19 pandemic, along with the rest of the world. Seemingly overnight, countless people found themselves struggling to adapt to a new way of life.

In an attempt to stem the tide, many offices went virtual — and so did schools. Parents everywhere suddenly found themselves trying to help their children navigate online classrooms and curricula. Not even The Simpsons have been immune to the chaos of today's turbulent world.

As a way to honor these drastic and traumatic changes, The Simpsons modified their chalkboard gag for the episode that aired on April 19, 2020. In the chalkboard gag for "The Incredible Lightness of Being a Baby," Bart's classroom is empty, and a single line on the board reads "School online" — a poignant nod to current events that resonated with students, parents, and teachers everywhere.

Bart gets the last laugh

Bart certainly gets up to his fair share of shenanigans and mischief, and viewers are occasionally given insights into some of his antics via messages he writes for his chalkboard gags. Bart seems to have messed with his fellow classmates with insights such as "I will not yell 'Fire' in a crowded classroom" in "Some Enchanted Evening," "I will not yell 'She's dead' during roll call" during the intro to "Selma's Choice," and "The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with 'Hail Satan'" in "Burns' Heir."

He apparently harassed the disabled by promising to "return the seeing-eye dog" in "Whacking Day," and saying he wouldn't "put hot sauce in the CPR dummy" at the start of "Father Knows Worst." Bart has also expressed a more violent side in the classroom — as hinted at when he wrote "Five days is not too long to wait for a gun" in "Secrets of a Successful Marriage," "Non-flammable is not a challenge" in "Bart to the Future," and "Hooligan is not a profession" in "Grampy Can Ya Hear Me."

One of Bart's most notable instances of mischievous chalkboard quotes hails from the episode "D'oh Canada." Bart writes "Haw Haw!" on the blackboard, then hits it, which rotates to reveal Nelson taped to the other side. Who's laughing now, Nelson?

Ralph is special

Ralph Wiggum is one of the more bizarre characters on the show. He's a cute, sweet little boy, which makes him endearing, but he's also odd and as brainless as Spunky on Rocko's Modern Life. He's constantly sticking random objects up his nose, and speaks in random mixed metaphors and non-sequiturs.

Ralph also has moments that hint at a much darker side to this seemingly innocuous character, like when he mentions the leprechaun in his head who "tells me to burn things." Bart has noticed Ralph's many quirks, and is constantly teasing him for it — even during chalkboard gags.

In the intro to "Fear of Flying," he writes "Ralph won't 'morph' if you squeeze him hard enough" — a reference to color-morphing stress balls that were popular at the time the show aired. One of Bart's more savage notes concerning his odd classmate can be seen in "Apoocalypse Cow," in which he writes, "A person's a person, no matter how Ralph."

Bart vs. Class Hampsters

Class pets are a fun way to reinforce lessons taught in school, as well as help students experience new discoveries. Studies have also shown that pets in the classroom have positive impacts on student behavior, enhanced social interaction, and student attitudes. Unfortunately, Bart seems to be immune to these impacts, because even the hamsters at Springfield Elementary haven't been enough to soften his rough edges.

There have been a handful of class hamsters featured on Simpsons throughout the years, including Nibbles, the hamster who bravely helped save those trapped inside the school when it was snowed in during the episode "Skinner's Sense of Snow," and made it to space and back in "She of Little Faith." Regardless of their heroism, Bart has savagely mocked his class hamsters' legacies during chalkboard gags.

During the intro to "Homer the Whopper," Bart writes "The class hamster isn't just sleeping," and in "Day of the Jackonapes," he notes, "The hamster did not have a "full life." Perhaps his ruthless memoirs have something to do with Lisa using science to verify her hamster was smarter than Bart in the episode "Duffless."

Parenting tips

Being a parent is a massive blessing, but it can also be incredibly frustrating. Learning to not lose one's patience while maneuvering all the challenges of raising a child requires constant energy and emotional management. Having a problem child like Bart must make it even harder to exercise well-balanced discipline.

For better or worse, Homer takes the opposite approach to parenting, strangling Bart whenever he loses patience with him. The act is most often preceded by him exclaiming "Why, you little!" In the zany, fictional, physics-defying world of cartoons, strangling one's child can actually be humorous, rather than horrific.

However, this is one bit from the show that hasn't aged quite as well as others over the last 30 years. Even though it's set in the context of humor, it can still be hard to look at. This is eloquently touched upon during the chalkboard gag for "Frink Gets Testy," in which Homer can be seen writing "Strangling is not an effective parenting tool" as Bart smugly watches.

Bart philosophises about religion

During their time on television, The Simpsons have also stirred up controversy surrounding religious topics. Some viewers take offense to the satirical discussions of institutionalized Christianity that plague Western society, while fans of the show find it a refreshing way to let off steam concerning otherwise taboo subjects.

A more obvious example of this is the character of Ned Flanders, whom Homer is constantly giving a hard time. One of the more subtle ways the show has poked fun at religion over various episodes is through the use of Bart's chalkboard quotes. In the intro to "The Burns and the Bees," Bart writes, "Jesus is not mad his birthday is on Christmas," and in "Realty Bites," he notes, "There was no Roman god named 'Fartacus'."

One of his darker, and arguably funnier, remarks comes during "Dark Knight Court," in which he writes, "Jesus' last words were not 'TGIF'." It seems Bart severely misunderstands the concept of "Good Friday."

Thoughtful Mother's Day notes

Mothers are the cornerstones of their households, especially one like Marge Simpson. She loves Bart unconditionally, even if he makes it really difficult to do so at times. Considering all she puts up with, one would think he would do all he could to make Mother's Day extra special.

Unfortunately, it seems the exact opposite holds true, as seen in various chalkboard quotes. In the intro to "Children of a Lesser Clod," he writes, " Today is not Mothra's Day," while in "Homer Scissorhands" he notes that "Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present." Another questionable Mother's Day gift is mentioned in "To Courier With Love," when he writes, "Dirty clothes are not a Mother's Day gift."

In the intro to "Homer Scissorhands," he remarks, "I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being 'one badass mother.'" During one of Bart's kinder, more lucid moments, he writes "Call your mother during the commercials" in the chalkboard gag for "Ned'N'Edna's Blend."

Spoiler Alert

During the 25th season of The Simpsons, executive producer Al Jean dropped a massive bombshell on fans — in the near future, they'd be killing off a major character. They'd initially planned for it to take place later that season, however, they had to delay the planned demise until the 26th season.

This delay only stirred the public's interest that much more, and for months, Simpsons fans were left in deep suspense. Furious speculation, rumor, and innuendo circulated across the internet over who exactly the unlucky soul would be. Many suspected Krusty the Clown as being the doomed character — but when the episode "Clown in the Dumps" finally did air, it turned out his father, Rabbi Hyman Krustofsky, was the long-hinted character who would ultimately pass away.

This episode opens with an equally memorable chalkboard gag. In his typical ruthless fashion, Bart writes "Spoiler Alert: Unfortunately, my dad doesn't die." Nothing is too sacred for this kid!

Homages to the voice actors

Another major Simpsons character who passed away on the show is Bart's teacher, Edna Krabappel. During the 25th season, the actor who voiced the character, Marcia Wallace, passed away. As a result, Mrs. Krabappel's arc came to an end, and the planned death of another major character, as mentioned by Al Jean not long before, was delayed until the following year. Creators felt her loss was more than enough for one season.

As a humble way to pay respect to her memory, Bart's normally savage tone was tamed for the chalkboard gag opening the episode following Wallace's passing, "Four Regrettings and a Funeral." Written just once by a forlorn-looking Bart are the words, "We'll really miss you, Mrs. K."

A few other chalkboard quotes have honored the voice actors in other ways. In "Dead Putting Society," Bart writes, "I am not a 32-year-old woman" — a reference to Nancy Cartwright, who voices Bart and who was 32 at the time. And in the intro to "The Trouble With Trillions," Bart references real-life demands being made by the voice actors at the time for higher pay. It goes to show that sometimes even Bart can be kind and think of others first.