All 5 Cars Universe Movies, Ranked From Worst To Best

"Okay, here we go. Focus. Speed. I am speed. One winner, 42 losers. I eat losers for breakfast." With those words from Lightning McQueen (Owen Wilson), the 2006 Disney/Pixar movie "Cars" kicks off. Not only that, but those lines started an entire mega-franchise that spans multiple television exploits, theme park lands, a towering toyline, and, of course, five movies set in the "Cars" universe. Not only has Lightning McQueen headlined three movies, but the "Cars" mythology has expanded to include a pair of "Planes" features set high above the pavement roads of Radiator Springs.

Given how much doomsaying surrounded the box office run of the original "Cars" movies back in summer 2006, it's staggering to consider how much staying power this universe and its characters have had. It's a given now that everyone around the planet knows who Lightning McQueen is and that his catchphrase is "Ka-Chow!" What sometimes gets lost in all of the "Cars" discussions and ironic memes, though, are the various benefits and drawbacks of the individual motion pictures making up the franchise. Ranking all five of the movies in the "Cars" universe from worst to best (based on this writer's personal opinions) illustrates the creative shortcomings that have plagued these titles, no matter what mode of transportation they focus on.

At the same time, this ranking also highlights the better elements of these assorted "Cars" projects that have ensured this universe has stuck around for so long. Grab a Piston Cup, rev your engine, and let's dive into the five movies in the "Cars" universe.

Why Dane Cook? Why did the creative team stumble onto Dane Cook as the ideal person to voice "Planes" protagonist Dusty Crophopper? If they were just looking for a big name to shove on the poster, then the choice is baffling since Cook's peak popularity had long passed by the time "Planes" hit the movie theater runway in August 2013. It's also not like he remotely works for the character, with Cook's gruff and innately cynical vocals clashing with the intended plucky, hopeful spirit written for Crophopper. It's a bad piece of celebrity stunt casting, but it's at least a fitting move for "Planes," a movie chock-full of dismal creative impulses.

"Planes" retreads familiar racing storylines from the initial "Cars" film, but this time with more planes and even more ethnic caricatures. The 50 best racing movies of all time do circles around "Planes," as do other middling transportation-oriented children's fare like "Thomas and the Magic Railroad." Even with just a 92-minute runtime, "Planes" overstays its welcome thanks to a perfunctory creative sensibility that ensures there's never any surprises or specificity lurking around the corner. Only an unintentionally humorous violent flashback to an elderly plane's World War II exploits briefly liven up this tedious endeavor.

Otherwise, Crophopper's first motion picture is a boring misfire that isn't even a fun bad movie to watch. Its tremendous cynicism and predictability just makes it a chore. Forcing audiences to sit through so much Dane Cook doesn't help, either.

Whenever anyone is talking about the best and worst Pixar Animation movies, one particular feature will inevitably get mentioned as the company's creative nadir. "Cars 2" is the universal choice for Pixar's worst movie — and over 15 years of distance since its release has not made that distinction seem remotely unfair. This bamboozling sequel was a staggering miscalculation on all fronts, including in the abysmal idea of upgrading Larry the Cable Guy's Mater to protagonist. This redneck sidekick was already grating in a supporting capacity in the first "Cars," but making him even noisier and prominent as the lead of "Cars 2" automatically makes the movie a pain to endure.

Any attempt to wring poignancy out of Mater realizing that everyone sees him as a fool massively misses the mark. Any reasonable viewer won't feel sorry for Mater, but will rather share in the disdain other characters have for him. Beyond the Mater problems plaguing "Cars 2," the rest of the film just isn't interesting. Its efforts to alternatively recreate or lampoon espionage movie tropes aren't very creative; there's already so many James Bond parodies out there (Michael Caine, playing the film's James Bond stand-in, was already in one of the "Austin Powers" movies, after all), and "Cars 2" does nothing to stand out from the pack.

All the noisy bullets flying and convoluted storytelling exacerbate major problems ingrained into the DNA of "Cars 2." No wonder this is the default choice for the worst Pixar movie.

Props to "Planes: Fire & Rescue" for conjuring up one immediate idea for making this sequel more theatrical than its predecessor (which was conceived as a direct-to-video movie before getting upgraded to the big screen): being presented in a 2.39:1 aspect ratio. This really does help make the woodland tableaus of this follow-up more cinematic looking. Just by virtue of not looking like something that should've been shuffled off to DVD, "Fire & Rescue" joins the ranks of sequels that are better than their original films. That doesn't mean, though, that this film is necessarily good.

Like its predecessor, "Fire & Rescue" can't nail down comedy beats whatsoever. Its cast is also too big, seemingly just so there could be more characters for companies to make toys out of. The comically overqualified cast (which includes Ed Harris, Hal Holbrook, Wes Studi, and Regina King, among others) are also wasted as they navigate tin-eared dialogue and generic bursts of bathroom humor. Though a massive leap up from the aggressively abysmal nature of the original "Planes," "Fire & Rescue" is still going through the motions. It's a paint-by-numbers exercise lacking (despite the abundance of wildfires on-screen) any sparks.

Plus, Dane Cook remains an uninvolving lead voice actor to hinge an entire movie on. Any of the "serious" "Fire & Rescue" moments land with a thud because it's impossible to take Cook seriously. With this problem, there's only so high "Fire & Rescue" can soar.

Some people will walk out of "Cars 3" talking about how it's better than "Cars 2" by a country mile. Others will discuss the easter eggs most people missed. What should be the central part of any "Cars 3" discussion, though, is that dialogue from elderly automobiles in this film seems to confirm that both Prohibition and Jim Crow laws exist in this universe. That's one of several bizarre aspects of this feature, which also includes how this title's plot focuses on Lightning McQueen being deemed "old" as a racecar despite it being only 10 years since the original "Cars," where he was a "young rookie sensation."

That may not make much sense, but the inexplicable has always been a part of the "Cars" franchise. What's better realized, though, are the emotional beats. The pathos in "Cars 3" is more engaging than any of the stabs at poignancy in "Cars 2," partially because of the melancholy that resides in the fact that supporting character Doc Hudson (and his voice actor Paul Newman) has passed away. A more intimate scope, dialing back Mater, and solid filmmaking during the big racing scenes make "Cars 3" a solid family feature. Unfortunately, the surface-level creative impulses plaguing all these movies materializes again through defects like the frustratingly shallow baddie Jackson Storm (Armie Hammer).

Even with a better installment that has smarter storytelling instincts, "Cars 3" can't avoid problems dominating its predecessors. Hey, at least Mater doesn't potentially urinate on himself in this one.

There are no great "Cars" movies. Even the one that started it all, 2006's "Cars," falls short of the artistic standards of the best Pixar movies or even the studio's most underrated features. This ballad of Lighting McQueen getting stuck in the small town of Radiator Springs suffers from an ingrained problem of McQueen being the wrong kind of unlikeable character from the word "go." Unlike past flawed Pixar protagonists like "Toy Story's" Woody or "Finding Nemo's" Marlin, there's no relatable psychology behind McQueen's worst actions. He's just a jerk you don't want to spend time with, let alone root for getting redemption.

The supporting characters, meanwhile, are a hodgepodge of uncomfortable caricatures, underwritten lady cars, or Larry the Cable Guy trying way too hard to make Mater the second coming of Robin Williams as "Aladdin's" Genie in the pantheon of comedians playing animated sidekicks. Still, there are fun automobile figures scattered throughout the runtime (namely Michael Keaton's baddie Chick Hicks) and the racing sequences are super engrossing. Plus, by the time the finale arrives, it's hard not to get swept up in the proceedings (even if McQueen still gets on your nerves). That final "it's just an empty cup" line does hit hard against all odds.

Throw in a terrific soundtrack (who can't tap their toes to Sheryl Crowe's "Real Gone?"), Paul Newman's God-tier voice work, and clever end credit sequences, and "Cars" outraces some (though not all) of its weaker creative tendencies.