The King Of Queens Funniest Moments Ranked
During its wholesome 9-season run, "The King of Queens" brought both warmth and uncontrollable laughter to audiences worldwide.
Set in the working-class suburbs of Queens, New York, the show invites us on a nearly-decade-long adventure following Doug Heffernan (Kevin James), a goofy delivery driver, and his wife, fiery secretary Carrie Heffernan (Leah Remini), as they make their way through the many challenges of love, daily life, family, and marriage. They juggle all this while having to deal with Carrie's nutty but adorable father, Arthur Spooner (Jerry Stiller), who is left with no other choice but to live in their basement after burning his own house to the ground.
Thanks to the comedic genius of both the main and secondary characters, the show has had so many hilarious moments that they would take ages to count, but we gave it our best shot and rounded up some of the most hilarious "King of Queens" moments of all time. Check them out and let us know if you agree with our choices!
11. Doug gets caught having fun with his hot hairdresser
After becoming jealous that Doug has a secret sexy hairdresser (whom he visits every few days), Doug's brother Danny (played by Gary Valentine) accidentally lets Carrie know that her husband has been having something of an emotional affair in the episode "Shear Torture" (Season 8 Episode 6).
Unaware that his wife is on her way to "catch him in the act," Doug carelessly enjoys his time with his hot hairdresser, whom Carrie later refers to as "Edward Scissorboobs." When the hairdresser hands Doug a mirror to check himself out while she goes to grab the clippers, he suddenly spots Carrie shooting daggers at him from behind, and this leads us to the funniest moment in the episode.
Now trembling in his seat, Doug starts stuttering and fumbling his words while trying to send Carrie home. As expected, Carrie decides to stay and watch the show as Doug proceeds to make a fool out of himself while "Scissorboobs" tries to finish his haircut and continue the conversation. "So, you must have a million funny stories about things that happened while you were out making deliveries," she baits him, to which Doug gallantly (or idiotically) replies, "It's not about being funny. It's about getting the job done and going home to my wife."
10. Carrie presents her 'sassy' new hairstyle to Doug
After learning in the episode "Sold-Y Locks" (Season 8 Episode 18) that human hair can be sold for a whopping amount of cash, Doug decides to convince Carrie to try a new look and get her hair cut ... so they can sell it for thousands of dollars on the wig market and join Deacon and Kelly on a cruise. However, he later regrets his decision when he sees that Carrie's updated hairstyle makes her look like "a weird boy."
Upon seeing Carrie's new 'do for the first time, Doug makes an unforgettable expression of sheer disgust, shame, and regret. A perfect comedic juxtaposition, Carrie can't seem to contain her excitement, thinking she actually looks super cute and "sassy."
What follows is a series of painfully awkward moments involving Doug, Carrie, Deacon, and Kelly, with the plan initiator getting rightfully punished for his hilarious crime in the end. But that first moment alone, when Carrie's misguided enthusiasm goes (literally) head-to-head with Doug's horror, is worth its weight in human hair.
9. Carrie, Doug, and Arthur show the new neighbors their true colors
In "Window Pain" (Season 5 Episode 2), Doug and Carrie try to become friends with their new neighbors, Mike and Debi (played by Michael Lowry and Marcia Cross) — both of whom are highly successful in their lives and careers. As they get acquainted, Carrie starts feeling that she and Doug are living worthless lives in comparison to their new neighbors, which sets her off on a mission of trying to impress them. Meanwhile, Arthur tries to get Spence to let him ride the subway for free.
The episode takes an embarrassing turn when Mike sees Doug pour the whiskey he bought for him into the sink without drinking a sip. Mike decides to confront Doug, but Doug blatantly lies, saying that he drank the whole thing. After the neighbors leave, Carrie explodes on Doug for embarrassing her, unaware that their windows are open and Mike and Debi can hear everything. This exposure sends Carrie down an endless spiral of trying to make good with the neighbors, even going as far as to badmouth Doug to make herself look good in front of them.
And that's where the peak moment comes. Hearing his wife "selling him out" from the window, a furious Doug runs over to the neighbors' house, where he and Carrie start arguing. In the meantime, Arthur comes home escorted by two police officers after being turned in by Spence. Consequently, another loud fight erupts between Doug and Arthur while the neighbors watch in shock from their window. By trying to paint themselves as the perfect family, the Heffernan-Spooner folks end up becoming the new "neighborhood freaks" in one priceless moment.
8. Doug daydreams about being a lawyer
The partners at Carrie's law firm convince Doug to join the company baseball team in "Affidavit Justice" (Season 6 Episode 6), but he comes across as a convincing lawyer as well. This prompts a competitor firm to make a bid for Doug, offering him a six-figure salary for joining their firm as a lawyer (as well as joining their baseball team). Lured in by the irresistible offer, Doug blindly jumps into the action, leaving Carrie in an awkward and risky situation.
Choosing to carry on with the charade, Doug arrives at a baseball game in a company limo, hoping to swing his mighty bat to yet another victory. While running for the ball during the game, Doug remembers Carrie berating him for not having what it takes to be an actual lawyer. In order to prove her wrong (even just in his own mind), Doug starts daydreaming about what an awesome attorney he could be.
In a montage depicting the supposed daily life of a lawyer — which could otherwise only be imagined by a 9-year-old — Doug goes from making witnesses cry, to making his case by drawing a stick figure being shot by a gun, to high-fiving a judge. This fantasy gifts the audience with one of the most memorable laughs in the series.
7. Carrie realizes Doug and Arthur have been getting her drunk to bring out her soft side
In what is one of the most golden and well-rounded "KoQ" episodes "Lush Life" (Season 4 Episode 20), Carrie joins a colleague for after-work drinks, which Doug realizes makes her much less feisty and more fun to spend time with. But when she and her friend fall out, Doug and Arthur come up with a plan to keep the "cool Carrie" alive by serving her cocktails and keeping her tipsy every day.
Being the big softie that he is, however, next-door neighbor and former "Hulk" star Lou Ferrigno decides to tell on Doug and Arthur, which makes Carrie flip out in an ice-cold yet hysterical way, delivering one of the most quotable lines in the show's history as she takes a sip of her martini.
"This is good!" she remarks. "You know what? Suddenly I feel less bitchy and easier to live with."
6. Doug, Arthur, and Deacon hit the streets
Employees at the International Parcel Service have been on strike for weeks in "Strike Out" (Season 3 Episode 7), and both Doug and Deacon have turned into lazy slobs, spending their days at home mostly sleeping and eating. Having had enough, Carrie and Kelly decide to bring the guys together on a playdate, along with Arthur as well as Deacon's baby son. Unbeknownst to them, however, their well-intentioned plan to get the guys up and about will backfire badly, ultimately embarrassing them into oblivion in a crowded restaurant.
In a matter of hours, the unorthodox trio morph from grown men to childish pranksters. They begin spending their days playing, yes — playing on people's nerves. Subsequently, we are gifted with an unforgettable and humorously eye-watering montage of the gang hitting the streets and pranking people left and right.
What makes this moment so special, and the reason why so many of us connect with it, is that it makes us remember our own careless childhoods: a simpler yet happier time when the void of worry was filled with nothing but humor and endless adventure.
5. Doug imitates Stallone in 'Rocky' while wearing his house as a belt
After getting halfway stuck in the attic during a visit from friends Ray and Debra in "Dire Strayts" (Season 2 Episode 8), one of the many "KoQ" cameos by Ray Romano and Patricia Heaton from "Everybody Loves Raymond," Doug finds himself becoming both the butt of the joke for his friends and the butt hanging in mid-air waiting to be rescued.
As he waits for his friend, fireman Richie (played by Larry Romano), to come up with a plan to bring him down, Doug — in typical Doug fashion — doesn't waste any time staying bored. In order to keep himself entertained, half Douggie starts reenacting an iconic scene between Sylvester Stallone's Rocky and his coach Mickey (played by Burgess Meredith in "Rocky"). Doug's spot-on impressions, however, are abruptly cut off by Carrie, who crawls in through the window to bring her husband a sandwich.
The mere memory of Doug being stuck in the attic of his own house while delivering Rocky lines in such a hilarious way makes this an unforgettable scene — filled with nostalgia for both the golden days of "The King of Queens" and the days of classic Sly action blockbusters.
4. Doug suddenly speaks Chinese
Doug and the gang decide to rent an apartment above a Chinese restaurant in "Apartment Complex" (Season 8 Episode 14) as a means to escape from the women in their lives. Meanwhile, Carrie takes on Kirstie Alley (playing herself) as a client but eventually ends up having to eat large amounts of food to satisfy Kirstie's weird fetish of watching other people eat.
After starting a new job at the downstairs restaurant to pay the rent, Doug ends up delivering food to Carrie and Kirstie. He runs away after seeing Carrie, which prompts Carrie to pay a visit to the restaurant and demand an explanation – only to be shocked when she sees Doug working in the kitchen. When Carrie calls him by name, we see Doug's whole new existence shatter. But being the child that he is, Doug decides to run off yet again, leading Carrie right to the doorstep of his new hideout.
In keeping with one of his most hilarious recurring traits (sticking to a lie even after being caught, just as he did in "Window Pain"), Doug decides to keep up his circus act by opening the door and inviting Carrie in with the friendliest smile, saying, "Carrie! My God, come on in, I've been meaning to invite you over forever!"
After Carrie confronts Doug for having another life (which he once again denies), Doug digs himself an even deeper hole by answering the phone in front of her ... in fluent Chinese! No way to deny that double life now. Carrie's expression of utter shock and confusion, combined with Doug's hilarious line delivery, makes the scene well-deserving of its high spot.
3. Doug tries to act undisturbed while his mother talks about her 'physical needs'
Doug finds himself in a world of worry and discomfort in "Offtrack... Bedding" (Season 7 Episode 6) when his mother Janet starts going on dates with Arthur due to being neglected by her husband Joe. The latter is, once again, out playing with his model trains, completely unaware that his marriage is going down the drain.
After trying and failing to persuade Arthur to leave Janet alone, a desperate Doug sits his mother down and begs her to give his father another shot. In this scene, we witness Doug unwillingly bathing in the worst kind of awkwardness.
In hopes of getting Doug to understand her situation, Janet says that she isn't a "young girl anymore" but still has "urges and desires that need to be fulfilled" — and that she's "not just talking about the physical act of sex." Unable to respond adequately to what he's just heard, Doug's expression contorts in the most uncomfortable way. The timing and acting in this scene are so flawless and on point that it never fails to make us laugh, no matter how many times we rewatch it.
2. Carrie appears while Doug serenades his high school girlfriend
In this glorious Season 5 banger, "Flame Resistant" (Episode 7), Carrie gets jealous after finding out that Doug's high-school girlfriend Margy (played by Lola Glaudini) still keeps in touch with his mother. Meanwhile, Doug sets himself the task of writing a dedicated "Margy Song" he promised to write back in the day but never got around to finishing. With the help of his cousin Danny, Doug finally completes the song and goes to set up his equipment underneath Margy's balcony.
Doug starts serenading his former sweetheart, oblivious to the fact that his wife is also inside the apartment, along with his mother. After seeing Carrie appear on the balcony next to Margy, Doug quickly swaps the song lyrics in a desperate attempt to save himself from Carrie, singing:
Before we met, nothin' in my life was right,
But all that changed with Margy.
You've blown me away, oh, Carrie.
After Doug makes his awkward retreat from the scene by jumping into the bushes, the creators of the show leave us with a bonus music video in which he performs the whole song professionally. The number is filled with both laughter and emotion, and can only be fully appreciated when watched at a high volume (if you can stand it).
1. Doug and Arthur fight as if they're an actual couple
It's not an unpopular opinion that Season 5 represented the peak of the series. However, the much-referenced premiere episode, "Arthur, Spooner," takes the cake. Following a promotion, Carrie's work hours are now from 8:00 p.m. to 6:00 a.m., leaving her almost no time to spend with Doug. Doug develops a form of insomnia, which he remedies by having Arthur sleep next to him in the couple's bed — pampering him with expensive meals and fun nights out to secure his company.
The hands-down best moment comes when Arthur tells Doug he won't be spending the evening with him playing mini-golf because he's made plans with his friend, Mickey, who arrives at the door to pick him up. What follows is a brilliant argument between Doug and Arthur, who act and sound just like an ordinary couple, while Mickey is unwillingly handed the role of Arthur's new crush.
Devastated by the thought of spending another sleepless night alone, Doug angrily tells Arthur he should have told him earlier about making other plans, to which Arthur responds by telling Doug he can't forbid him from spending time with his friends. Eventually, Doug reveals his true intentions by telling Arthur he hasn't spent all this money for nothing, and he expects him to pay back the favors by joining him in bed later. Meanwhile, Mickey cannot believe what he's hearing and grows more uncomfortable by the second.
And here comes the cherry: When Arthur realizes Doug has been pampering him just so he'd "sleep" with him, he bitterly ends the conversation by saying, "I see ... And here I was, thinking we had something special. Silly me."