Every J.J. Watt Sketch From SNL Season 45 Ranked Worst To Best

On Saturday, February 1, Saturday Night Live celebrated the impending Super Bowl by welcoming Houston Texans' defensive end J.J. Watt as its host for his first-ever gig at Rockefeller Center. Professional athletes can be a tricky bet when it comes to sketch comedy — Manning brothers aside — so asking Watt to host was definitely a risk for the SNL crew. In the end, the real question is: did the risk pay off?

Watt certainly brought a sense of enthusiasm to the proceedings, but unfortunately, he seemed nervous throughout the show and was wisely sidelined for a few sketches — including all of Weekend Update (which memorably featured Bowen Yang as China's new Health expert), the cold open (which detailed an imaginary impeachment trial), and "Food Dudes" (a sketch about mannequins that make you look normal when you order too much food). However, audience members couldn't overlook Watt's touching Kobe Bryant tribute — during the goodbyes, Watt wore a Bryant jersey and shot a wad of paper into the crowd, pretending he was throwing a basketball like the fallen NBA star. 

Between Watt's nerves and some middling sketches, this wasn't a top-notch SNL outing, though there were a few memorable moments. Here's every J.J. Watt sketch of the night, ranked from worst to best.

Much like "My Fair Bigfoot," the final sketch of the evening bolsters the notion that the Saturday Night Live writers ran out of ideas for the episode with J.J. Watt as host. As the sketch opens, it brings to mind a stereotypical adult film, where two eager young girls (played by Cecily Strong and Heidi Gardner) don't have any money to pay the pizza guy (Watt), so they have to find another way to "thank" him.

However, this sketch takes the idea way further than it needs to go — imagining a struggling pizza place that never makes any money because its only delivery man takes way too long on his deliveries, needs to take a nap when he's done, and never actually gets any payment for the food. The idea isn't bad, but the execution leaves much to be desired, despite a typically excellent performance from SNL stalwart Kenan Thompson as the pizza parlor's baffled proprietor.

In this sketch, a father (played by J.J. Watt) checks in with his son (Kyle Mooney) after the teen caught his parents going at it on his birthday. In a fairly predictable twist, the dad is way too graphic during his sex talk with his seriously unsettled child. Eventually, Aidy Bryant joins the party as the mom, who explains to her son that she's been "blessed" with "that good good," clarifying that her skills in the bedroom are what keep a roof over her son's head.

Watt is enthusiastic in character, which gives the sketch a good energy (despite the fact that he flubs a few lines), but it never really builds to anything, even when SNL pinch hitter Bryant shows up to proudly display her overt sexuality. Everyone commits themselves to the silliness, but ultimately, the premise just isn't robust enough to support an entire sketch.

A few years ago, Saturday Night Live made headlines when it announced that some of its sketches would include branded content, and this episode's most obvious instance of that gambit ended up being one of its more successful bits. In the sketch, J.J. Watt once again plays himself — this time as an unexpected spokesman for Olay skincare products, shilling for black under-eye patches that make you look super-masculine while also making sure your under-eye bags are a thing of the past.

The one-liners in this sketch are pretty solid — all of the efforts to make sure the patches are as "manly" as possible pay off, especially the fact that they're made to smell like a mixture of "Jack Daniels, gasoline, and a little bit of matcha extract" — and it closes out by advertising a related product. Beyond the eye patches, Olay offers black pore strips for players' broken noses, because even if their noses are shattered, their pores should still be clean. (Both products are available at Sephora and Dick's Sporting Goods.) 

Branded content isn't always a bad thing, and this SNL sketch is a perfect example of a clever take propelled by mandatory advertising.

Saturday Night Live has poked fun at ABC's The Bachelor countless times over the past couple of years, and unsurprisingly, the women of Rockefeller Center carried this sketch while J.J. Watt just sat back and let them shine. The skit, which focuses on a new bachelor known as "Pilot Hunk," follows the exact same format as all of the other SNL parodies of The Bachelor: the man relaxes on a bench while a rotating door of eligible bachelorettes keep telling him that they "like this" right before the next girl arrives to ask, "Can I steal him for a sec?"

Thanks to super-specific jokes — including that most of the women are named "Hannah" and Watt's bachelor only really says two phrases, "tell me about yourself" and "I love that" — this sketch succeeds, bolstered by the fact that the women of SNL (especially Aidy Bryant and Kate McKinnon) are familiar with this joke and give it their all. Ultimately, this was a perfect sketch for Watt, and it's always a welcome addition to any SNL lineup.