A Marvel Movie Has The Worst Nude Scene Of All Time
Setting aside the "Captain America" serials, 1986's "Howard the Duck" was Marvel's first foray into live-action, feature-length film territory. Not Spider-Man, not Hulk — Marvel went all in on an anthropomorphic duck from another planet. It was an utter mess that flopped at the box office, regularly ranking online as one of the worst movies ever made. This was despite the fact George Lucas was onboard as a producer, with Lucasfilm creating animatronic suits for the production. But nothing could salvage the complete dumpster fire "Howard the Duck" would become.
Everything else aside, we're here to talk about how "Howard the Duck" has the worst nude scene of all time as well as the worst sex scene ever put to film. Having either in a Marvel movie may seem absurd in this day and age, but this was the 1980s, in a film by Universal Pictures. There was leeway for things to get weird. In fact, "weird" may be an understatement, as a duck alien displays human-like breasts, and Howard nearly has sex with a human woman. Sentences like that probably keep God in heaven out of fear of what he's created.
Howard the Duck's nude scenes leave nothing to the imagination
The very beginning of "Howard the Duck" shows precisely what kind of movie it will be. Any parents who brought their children to the PG-rated Marvel film were likely horrified to see Howard sitting in his apartment and pulling out a Playduck magazine (a riff on Playboy if you didn't catch that subtle nod), opening it up to reveal a topless duck lady. Not even one minute later, Howard's chair launches out of his apartment and into the bathtub of a duck woman, who has human-esque breasts exposed as she takes a bath. The chair sends Howard into space, where he eventually arrives on Earth, but the film sees fit to show what it would be like if ducks had boobs.
It's exceptionally off-putting with the attention to detail on display, as the breasts come complete with nipples. How many innocent children walked into a theater in 1986 only to see duck boobs? One has to imagine that for quite a few kids, that was the first time they saw boobs ever ... and it was on a duck. That had to have raised some questions at home. Surely, there's a story of parents who had to give their child "the talk" because they suddenly seemed too into duck anatomy. Where is that person's story?
The nudity in "Howard the Duck" is needless and gratuitous, which, to be fair, is par the course for the '80s. The standards for PG films were laxer back then, but still, it's plain odd and feels like it should've been cut to avoid wrecking a generation of moviegoers.
Howard the Duck's love scene might be worse than nudity
It deserves to be said that Howard the Duck and Beverly Switzler (Lea Thompson) don't actually engage in sexual intercourse. But does that really make you feel better? It's kind of like hearing the sandwich you just ate had a toenail in it instead of a live cockroach. It's better, we guess, but still not great. And it's probably for the best Beverly didn't go all the way with Howard, given certain corkscrew-shaped pieces of the male duck anatomy.
Still, the "Howard the Duck" love scene is just uncomfortable. Howard talks a big game upon seeing Beverly in her undies, but when she reciprocates such advances, he hides under the bed covers. It ends with the two kissing, as we see from a silhouette of the two as three other characters enter the room. It's just plain odd that someone wrote that scene, and then it was filmed, and it could've been a lot more awkward, according to Thompson. She spoke with SiriusXM Entertainment about the scene and how multiple performers would wear the Howard suit throughout filming, including a child. "There was a 7-year-old that they used sometimes," she said. "I was like, 'I'm not doing a love scene with a 7-year-old duck.'"
It's great the crew didn't scar that child for life, but in the process, they traumatized everyone else who had to witness that scene. And it came from a Marvel movie of all places. When a Marvel movie has a sex scene these days, like in "Eternals," it's pretty tame. But even though Howard and Beverly didn't actually have sex, the image still remains in people's heads, and for that, it's truly unforgivable.