Aries signs are emotional brash and in your face, and they tend to be recklessly impulsive and quick to anger. These are the main attributes one can most clearly see in Randy Marsh, Stan and Shelley's father, and Sharon's irresponsible, dimwitted, immature husband.

The long-suffering wife of Randy Marsh, Sharon is pretty much the complete opposite of her husband, as the primary voice of reason in the Marsh family and perhaps in all of South Park. This all points to Taurus, one of the zodiac's most famously cautious and wise signs.

Cartman may be an exaggeration of all the worst qualities of a Gemini, but he's a Gemini nonetheless. Geminis are extroverts who wear their personalities on their sleeves, coming across as intelligent, exciting people who pick up knowledge quickly.

Stan is an empathetic and caring young man who generally tries to do the right thing. Cancers are known for being sensitive and emotional, a sign whose feelings are so vast and far-ranging that they tend to be hurt easily.

A brash, ineffective, and hotheaded teacher at South Park Elementary, Mr. Garrison is among the most unstable characters known to fly off the handle. Mr. Garrison possesses all the negative elements of a Leo personality — he's selfish, erratic, and motivated by self-interest.