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Why Luke's storyline wasn't worth the wait

Ever since the first teasers for Star Wars: The Force Awakens were released, fans have been buzzing about one thing: where the heck is Luke? Conspicuously absent from just about all of the film's promotional material, Luke became the center of a swirling vortex of Internet rumors, each more outlandish than the last. Everyone waited with bated breath to find out just what Luke's story was. But now that the film is finally here, we can state unequivocally: the Luke storyline was definitely not worth the wait. Here's why. Be warned: major spoilers ahead.

He's Only In One Scene!

Yeah, read that again. After all the talk and hype and speculation, the dude is only in one scene! And he doesn't have any dialogue! He just stares morosely into the middle distance like an extra in a Morrissey music video. (Okay, yeah, technically there's a also second scene earlier where we see his hand. But it's a vision, so it doesn't really count.) We waited all this time for that? Heck, we got a bigger and better dose of Mark Hamill on a single episode of The Flash than we did in this whole Star Wars film! Talk about disappointing.

And That Scene Wasn't Even Really Part of the Story!

And then there's this: Luke's one big scene isn't even part of the Force Awakens plot. It's more like one of those annoying extra endings from The Return of the King. The Force Awakens' story ends when the victorious rebellion pilots return to their base. Think about it: that's exactly where A New Hope ends. Now imagine if at the end of A New Hope, they had tacked on another ten minutes of Luke flying out to find Yoda. That would be weird, since it's really part of the sequel, right? And that's where Luke's scene should have been left—in Episode VIII.

He's Just a MacGuffin!

Now, we know what the naysayers are naysaying: "but wait, finding Luke is the whole point of the movie! Of course he shows up right at the end!" Yeah, the search for Luke drives the narrative. But actually finding him? That's not important to the plot at all. He's basically just a classic MacGuffin, like that glowing briefcase in Pulp Fiction, only with a robotic hand and a hobo beard. Like the lightsaber Rey finds, Luke himself is little more than a prop. Fans expecting more probably deserved a little better.

Luke Is A Huge Loser!

When Rey finds the lightsaber, she gets a cool Magic Exposition Brainfart, where she sees visions of Luke's past. It includes that one brief clip from the trailers of a guy who might be Luke—or might be The Terminator?—laying his hands on R2D2. And what's the upshot of this? We learn that Luke is missing because he's a complete failure who ran away and buried his head in the sand rather than face the consequences of royally botching the return of the Jedi Knights. You know what? Maybe it's just as well Luke isn't in the rest of the movie, because apparently, he's a total loser. And we waited 32 years for this?

The Wait Isn't Actually Over!

After all this time, all these years, all this hype, what do we get? A fifteen second tease for the sequel. In case you were wondering, that's set to come out on May 26, 2017, which is a year and a half from the release of The Force Awakens. So, yeah, maybe Luke's storyline is going to be the most awesome thing of all time, and will totally be worth the wait. But you'll have to ask us again in 2017 to find out, because that wait isn't actually over yet. Thanks a lot, J.J. Abrams. Maybe the "J" stands for "jerk."