Actors Who Should Be Cast In Star Wars 8 But Won't Be
Star Wars usually features a cast balanced evenly between known actors, unknown actors, and actors that should remain unknown. Looking at you, Ahmed Best. Carrie Fisher had only two acting credits behind her when she starred in A New Hope, and Mark Hamill was still climbing towards fame, while Peter Cushing was already a horror movie legend. Here are a few unsolicited suggestions that we would welcome in Episode VIII.
Bryan Cranston
Why?: He's an actor of stunning diversity. Like a delicious slice of bacon, Cranston goes well with everything. Whether he's a dopey TV dad, a terrifying drug lord, or a president, Cranston works it. A Cranston appearance would mean ticket sales even among Star Wars-haters. Why did anyone see Godzilla? It wasn't for another big lizard. And Cranston really wants to be in Star Wars, according to an interview on ABCNews.
Why Not?: Is Star Wars ready for a hot Cranston injection? Or would it be too gimmicky?
Ideal Role: A ruthless robot programmed to kill Jedi. Or a wise Jedi mentor. The man can do no wrong.
Charlize Theron
Why?: Theron has proven her action chops beyond any doubt in Mad Max: Fury Road and Aeon Flux. Star Wars is one of the most profitable movie franchises of all time, and Theron is known to support a ridiculous number of charities, so aside from her actual acting ability and her growing comfort with sci-fi scenarios, adding her to a Star Wars film is basically giving money to charity and making the world a better place.
Why Not?: Theron is a leading lady. Unless she gets mega screen time, she probably has better stuff to do, live help starving children.
Ideal Role: Action Jedi alien princess, in a costume without a mask or helmet so we can see those famous dimples.
Ron Perlman
Why?: Perlman's got some time on his hands now that Sons of Anarchy is over. He's so eager to play a weird creature again that he's launched his own campaign to get Hellboy 3 started. The guy wants to be a crazy film freak, and he's basically a master at monstering. His Star Wars connection is strong, as he's already done a voice in Clone Wars, but let's get him in costume already.
Why Not?: There's literally no reason not to get a noted monster actor to play a monster.
Ideal Role: A ruthless half-Wampa bounty hunter who collects Stormtrooper helmets. And state capital spoons.
Paul Reubens
Why?: The Pee-Wee actor has actually appeared in a Star Wars role before, as the voice of RX-24, a tour guide droid in Disney's Star Tours theme park ride. He even reprised the role in the Rebels animated series many years later. If the film needs some comic relief, it may as well be from an established character.
Why Not?: Too self-referential. C-3PO and R2-D2 are the only droids allowed to have recurring roles, or Anthony Daniels might have a fit.
Ideal Role: Rex, the hapless droid navigator.
Milla Jovovich
Why?: Jovovich needs another solid sci-fi action role after Ultraviolet and The Fifth Element. Resident Evil doesn't count. For anything, ever. Plus, Jovovich already looks a little like a weird alien, so makeup would be minimal.
Why Not?: Fans would expect another Leeloo in thermal bandages. Great for Fifth Element, but there's no room for that nonsense in Star Wars.
Ideal Role: Morally ambiguous technophobe, using old-school weapons to get the job done.
David Bowie
Why?: Bowie's implicit connections to the Star Wars universe are legion. Not only did he work with George Lucas on Labyrinth, but Bowie's "Rebel Rebel" was clearly a prophetic song about A New Hope. That might not be true, but Bowie cameos are magical and awesome, and the dude loves sci-fi. Caveat: Bowie has to come up with his own character's name, because Lucas is trash as naming things.
Why Not?: Two words: goblin crotch.
Ideal Role: A thin, pasty Sith Lord who can wield a saber with nothing but his mind.
Lucy Lawless
Why?: Lucy got a raw deal on Agents of SHIELD by getting killed off before becoming a part of the epic Marvel Cinematic Universe. The action star deserves a spot in Star Wars, because that Xena fame can only last so long, and no one is going to show up at Comic Con for Spartacus. Maybe Battlestar Galactica.
Why Not?: There's no reason for Star Wars to remain Lawless-less. Small roles are no problem.
Ideal Role: The daughter of Mon Mothma, Lieda. How's that for a deep cut?
John Malkovich
Why?: John Malkovich doesn't know a single line from Stars Wars, and he's made it clear that he doesn't nerd out over the franchise like other actors do. Still, he's not above lending his voice to Penguins of Madagascar or Call of Duty, so there's a possibility that The Sleepiest Actor in Hollywood would appear in a Star Wars film. Malkovich already exists on another planet, so maybe he could bring some of his natural alien-ness to the series.
Why Not?: The films would have to be 30 minutes longer to accommodate his natural speaking pace.
Ideal Role: A slow-talking, intense Jedi, recovering from a trip to the Dark Side.
Colm Meaney
Why?: Better known as Star Trek's Chief Miles O'Brien, Meaney would lend a much-needed sense of humanity to the worlds of Star Wars. Very few actors have crossed the void between Trek and Wars, and those who have are either voice actors or have non-speaking roles. Meaney is a lovable, salt-of-the-Earth man, and it would be awesome to see him in space again.
Why Not?: You can take the man out of the Miles O'Brien, but you can't take the Miles O'Brien out of the man. Shaking the Trek association would be too tough.
Ideal Role: Disappointed father of a Stormtrooper, who just wants his son to come home.
Cassandra Peterson
Why?: Elvira is good in small doses. She's not an exceptional actress, and aside from her keen business sense, she really only has one pair of gimmicks. Star Wars, however, seems to be a universe almost completely devoid of women who aren't princesses or moms. Women in space are rarer than a Stormtrooper with a straight aim.
Why Not?: Star Wars is generally aggressively unsexy, which isn't a terrible thing.
Ideal Role: Cantina bartender, if only to erase Bea Arthur's role from the Star Wars Holiday Special completely from our souls.
John C. Reilly
Why?: Reilly is the everyman, especially if every man is balding, has a belly, and is traditionally unattractive. He's not opposed to sci-fi, having appeared in Guardians of the Galaxy, and he's really good at being serious, weird, and seriously weird. He pops up in just about everything anyway, so why not pop him into something awesome?
Why Not?: He's known as a goofball, which is a hard thing for casting directors to see past.
Ideal Role: Some dumpy cantina alien dingus with a few secrets.