Perfect Movies We Hope Never Get Remakes
Hollywood's formula for movies these days seems to be, "Hey, if they paid money for it once, they'll pay money for it again." And so, multiplexes show remake after remake, reboot after reboot (and sometimes even a preboot or two), and everyone is sad, especially audiences. Meanwhile, there are some flicks that we'd like to believe are sacrosanct. Here's a few pretty much perfect movies we hope are never remade.
Die Hard (1988)
The story of John McClane taking on a building full of German terrorists has become a cinematic classic. There were action movies before Die Hard, but none were ever the same after Die Hard. There've been four more movies in the franchise, each trying its best to recapture the magic of the first, and each one managing it with varying levels of success. If the filmmakers can't manage to recreate Die Hard with more movies called Die Hard that actually star Bruce Willis, it's just not going to happen.
The Goonies (1985)
With a cast of weirdo, misfit kids, a treasure hunt, and barely-PG violence, The Goonies is the kind of movie that just isn't made anymore. The plot is tight: the kids need to find One-Eyed Willy's buried treasure to save their town, a gang of truly creepy villains chases them down to try and get the treasure first. A modern remake of The Goonies would lose the skeletons and the death-traps, then it would throw in a CGI Chunk. And we all know, "Goonies never say CGI."
Back To The Future (1985)
There are few franchises that manage to hold their special magic together across two more sequels. Back to the Future is one of the few that actually does. Fortunately, the trilogy's director and screenwriter, Robert Zemeckis and Bob Gale, respectively, own the rights to the Back to the Future intellectual property, and they've both stated that the movies will never be rebooted while they both live. Let's hope their estates keep that wish going well into the future.
The Princess Bride (1987)
Even though it had an average, yet respectable showing at the box office when it was first released, The Princess Bride has become one of the most beloved films of the twentieth century. Given Hollywood's penchant for mining nostalgia, it wouldn't be too surprising to hear word of a Princess Bride remake set to hit Netflix or Amazon Prime before too long. We desperately hope this never happens, but don't say we didn't warn you.
Jaws (1975)
Why would a Jaws remake suck? Super-fake looking computer-generated sharks. Practical effects or nothing.
Blade Runner (1982)
We live in constant fear that Hollywood big shots—or even original director Ridley Scott himself—will come along and try to provide a new take on Blade Runner. The advances in special effects technology mean that much of the time and labor spent making amazing sets and props would be replaced in favor of—that's right—lame CGI. Even worse, given Harrison Ford's habit for revisiting old franchises like Indiana Jones and Star Wars, it's not a stretch to imagine him showing up in a remake as some kind of geriatric Replicant. Sounds more like "Bleh Runner."
When Harry Met Sally (1989)
Romantic comedies are generally thought to be safe bets as far as box office returns are concerned. They're cheap to make, and generally make a profit. That knowledge has allowed some god-awful entries in the genre to proliferate in recent years, so it seems like some jerk might try to revive When Harry Met Sally with more modern twists. Instead of meeting during a road trip from Chicago to New York, we bet Sally would be Harry's Uber driver. And the "I'll have what she's having" scene would probably take place at a food truck or something equally stupid.