Grampa Simpson's Entire Backstory Explained

Springfield is a town overflowing with kooks, curmudgeons, grumps, and goofballs, but Abraham Simpson, otherwise known as Grampa, just be the most outlandish character in the entirety of The Simpsons. Here is a man who loves to tell pointless, meandering stories as a means of getting attention, writes letters to the president demanding the elimination of three states, refuses to recognize the statehood of Missouri, had his picture published in the newspaper for yelling at a cloud, and was unable to outrun the turtle that stole his teeth.

While now essentially imprisoned at the Springfield Retirement Castle in his uniform of a bolo tie and slippers, Abe Simpson previously led a life that was grand and full of importance and influence. He's been a lover, a fighter, and came face to face with several important historical figures, all before settling down in Springfield to (poorly) raise his son Homer. Here's the complete background and life story of Grampa Simpson, starting all the way back in nineteen-dickity-two.

Like a lot of elderly gentlemen, Grampa Simpson likes to tell stories about the good old days. Also, as with a lot of men his age, the passage of time, the desire to tell a good story, and the unreliability of memories have clearly led to some embellishment. Therefore, it's hard to tell truth from fiction or a mixture of the two when it comes to Abe Simpson's earliest years. In what should be taken with several large grains of salt, Abe claims to fought in World War I, although to enlist he had to lie about his age. In a flashback sequence to a bombarded trench somewhere in Europe, young Abe, all of four or five years old, shows off a picture he drew to his commanding officer and refuses to take a nap.

In other early 20th century (or thereabouts) news, Grampa claims to have been been spanked by President Grover Cleveland on two nonconsecutive occasions, and in a moment of panic — in which Mr. Burns attacks the Simpsons' house with a tank in search of Mona Simpson, Grampa's wife turned political agitator — Abe admits to being the "Lindbergh baby," the infant son of famed aviator Charles Lindbergh, kidnapped and found murdered in 1932. (However, that conflicts with how he also climbed Springfield's Murderhorn mountain as a young man in 1928, leaving his climbing partner to freeze to death.)

Grampa Simpson might have been fudging the truth about his encounter with Hitler in a Dusseldorf nightclub, but he probably really did dress like a woman in the 1940s. He admits in "Marge and Homer Turn a Couple Play" that back in 1942 (which he calls "1940-deuce"), he successfully managed to avoid enlistment or conscription into the U.S. military by posing as a woman for an entire year. He did that by pretending to be "Effie Lou," the center fielder for the Springfield Floozies, the local all-female baseball team. (Fellow Springfield Retirement Castle resident Jasper Beardley also played the the Floozies, and threatened Grampa's record for "lady triples.") Eventually found out, Abe had no choice but to join the war effort. He served bravely and courageously in the European Theatre as part of a unit called the Flying Hellfish, alongside the fathers of Simpsons characters Barney, Principal Skinner, Chief Wiggum. Mr. Burns was also in the squad, although he was a dangerous goof-off who ruined Abe's chance to sniper-kill Hitler. However, Abe wasn't always such a good soldier — while working as mine detector, he accidentally blew up several of his fellow American serviceman, for which he was awarded the Iron Cross, the opposing German military's highest honor.

The big love of Abe Simpson's life, or at least the most prominent and important romantic relationship of his life, was with the former Mona Olsen. They apparently met in the 1950s — Abe was a member of the Air Force and Mona was working as a cocktail waitress. They seemed to be a good match and after Mona gave birth to Homer, they settled into a life of generic, mid-century American domesticity. Then one day in the late '60s, when Abe was watching Super Bowl III in 1969, Mona caught a glimpse of quarterback Joe Namath, his wild hair and unbridled sexuality awakening the rebel and political dissident inside — her true self. She tried to make it work with the grouchy, ultra-conservative Abe, even dragging him to Woodstock, where, amidst the sea of half-nude hippies, he sat in a suit with his arms crossed. After Mona sabotaged a germ warfare lab owned by Mr. Burns, she went on the run for the rest of her life, leading to a de facto split with Abe and leaving him — an embittered, mean alcoholic — to raise Homer on his own. Until she resurfaced in the '90s, Abe led Homer to believe that Mona had died when he'd gone to the movies.

Abraham Simpson has held down quite a few jobs in his life, on account of how he's quite old and also had a wife and child to support. Some of those jobs were a bit more legitimate that others. When the workers of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant go on strike in "Last Exit to Springfield," plant owner Mr. Burns rounds up a trusty band of strike busters from long ago, presumably utilized during the tumultuous and violent labor movement of the 1930s. These hired goons are of course very old now, and led by Grampa, who admits that his squad "can't bust heads" anymore, but will instead disarm union agitators by telling them "stories that don't go anywhere." At this point, Grampa launches into such a tale, which is exceedingly boring but also provides some details about his life in the early 20th century — Shelbyville used to be called Morganville, nickels had pictures of bees on them, and wearing an onion on one's belt was "the style at the time."

The bulk of Grampa's employment life sounds even more mundane — he mentions in the episode "The Front" that he "spent 40 years a night watchman at a cranberry silo." However, by the '90s, or at least in the Simpsons revisionist episode "That '90s Show," he'd moved on to manage a laser tag arena.