Dumb Things In Thor Nobody Ever Talks About
Thor from 2011 was a relatively early entry into Marvel's official cinematic universe. Though it was filmed while Marvel was still finding its big-screen voice, the film introduced one of the most important Avengers in a very effective way. While most of the film runs pretty smoothly and sensibly, thanks to the incomparable direction of Kenneth Branagh, there are a few points that just don't seem right. Here are a few dumb things in Thor that have slipped under the radar.
Storm Chasing Doesn't Work Like That
During the film's opening sequence, Jane Foster seems pretty miffed at Darcy for not driving their junk-mobile into the center of a crazy tornado. But it's clear that they're not equipped to handle that kind of action. The vehicle they're driving might be decked out with sensors, but there's no way that it wouldn't be torn in half by a tornado. You'd think that the wacky scientist trio would have built a serviceable storm chasing rig by now, especially because Foster claims to have built her equipment herself. That chick from 2 Broke Girls just saved your Black Swan-butt, lady.
Wasting The Destroyer
The Asgardians have a super-powerful, laser-blasting juggernaut with their Destroyer, which can obliterate pretty much anything it's instructed to in an instant. It's positioned to guard the Casket of Ancient Winters, but like that roommate who just lost his job and might be late on the rent this month, Odin just lets him sleep there on the couch. It's not until a handful of mortal guards are killed by invading Jotun that the Destroyer actually wakes up, kills the bad guys, and retreats. Why not just put the Destroyer as the first line of defense against potential cask-thieves? Are you trying to save the battery, Odin?
All About That Data
When Jane meets Thor, she seems pretty interested in two things, only the latter of which can be discussed in polite company. Jane is fixated on the idea that Thor, a lone guy in a tornado, could give her some kind of critical data about what actually happened inside of the event. It's not as though Thor was wearing a beanie that calculated wind speed, or even had some kind of fancy Asgardian tornado app. What the heck did she expect to learn from him? Other than the ways of powerful Asgardian love?
SHIELD Is Terrible At Building Bases
When SHIELD finds Thor's hammer in the middle of the New Mexico desert, they put up a little base around the object, hoping to understand and extract it. They man it with a ton of guards, an Avenger, and for some reason, a completely flimsy chain link fence. We all know that SHIELD tech is pretty fancy, and their resources are vast. They could have assembled a pretty tough force field in minutes. Or a concrete barrier. Or something that doesn't have a history of being defeated by bored teenagers.
Thor Is Terrible At Mazes
Speaking of SHIELD's pathetic pillowfort, most of their base is made out of thin sheets of plastic, and the entire structure is visible from the top of the crater in which it was built. Like a rat in a maze, Thor insists on following the plastic pathways instead of just, like, busting through them in a straight line. Unless Asgardians are allergic to plastic sheeting, in which case, we apologize. We still want to see how he'd handle a sudoku. For science.
The Convenient Notebook
There's really not a lot of exposition about Jane Foster's science experiments, so it's tough to determine whether she's studying meteorology or theoretical physics, or if all of those devices are just to bum HBO off of her neighbors. So, there's really no precedent for Jane to have conveniently sketched out nine orbs in her crazy notebook, making it easy for Thor to just play connect-the-dots to explain everything in the universe. It's just a little too easy.
SHIELD, SHIELD Everywhere
When the Destroyer lands on Earth, it's immediately confronted by Agent Coulson and his men, and it immediately blasts its way through them. So, when the metal menace shows up in a town full of innocent bystanders a moment later, literally within walking distance, why is SHIELD nowhere to be found? The men in black don't even make an appearance during the entire battle with the fully-armored Asgardians, which is weirdly uncharacteristic of the invasive organization. There's plenty of precedent, however, to let Renaissance Faire-looking weirdos run to their death, so we'll give them that one.
Just A Little Thor
Asgardians are not immortal, but they can take a lot of punishment before they're sent off to Valhalla for good. Even Fandral, the frilliest of all Asgardian heroes, survives an ice-spike through the body, but only with the help of the mysterious healing chamber. So, when Thor is smacked to death by the Destroyer, and his hammer finally returns to him, how is he instantly healed? Does having your spine severed as a human have a less critical analogue as an Asgardian? Does Thor-power heal you instantly? Does the magic of the healing chamber just follow Thor around? Get us on that hammer-based healthcare plan.
Why Visit Earth?
Jane Foster chases down atmospheric anomalies, which seem to be happening a lot lately. The Warriors Three, Sif, and Thor all seem familiar with visiting Earth for fun, and it would even explain how they know Earth languages so well... but what's with all of the trips to Earth? And if it wasn't them causing these anomalies, what was? How many times was the Bifrost recently opened before Thor finally splatted out the other end and into Foster's waiting arms?
Casket Of Ancient Whatevers
The glowing, blue Casket of Ancient Winters is a powerful, ice-blasting weapon coveted by the Jotun, but kept safely in the hands of Odin. Loki implies that returning the Casket to Laufey, the king of the ice jerks, would restore all of Laufey's kingdom to its former glory. However, the bleak world of Jotunheim looks pretty comfortably icy, Laufey and his minions can still blast things with ice, and they don't seem too unhappy. So what would the Casket actually do? Would a Chipotle pop out or something? We'll never know.