How To Survive Each Classic Horror Movie Killer
As much as we love them, no one hopes to ever truly encounter a horror movie villain. They're not just terrifying because they wear scary masks and kill people—they're also relentless. They rack up huge body counts across multiple sequels, and barely anyone survives meeting them. If you pay attention, however, you can figure out a successful survival strategy. In fact, most of these characters have pretty obvious patterns, and if you know what to look for, you can escape them with ease. Here's how.
Jason Voorhees
Jason Voorhees stalks the woods of Camp Crystal Lake, taking revenge because a couple of teenage camp counselors accidentally let him drown as a child. He's a hockey mask wearing zombie who slices through campers with his trusty machete. He feels no pain, doesn't succumb to major injuries, and is generally unstoppable.
What will help you survive Jason is that he only really kills in one area. He wanders the woods of Camp Crystal Lake, and that's it. He's only ever leaves when people forcibly take him away. So, obviously, if your friends invite you to go camping in the place where people are routinely slaughtered, just say no. Go anywhere else, because Jason doesn't stalk Camp Silver Springs or Elm State Park.
Even if you accidentally end up at Crystal Lake, you've still got a chance. In one flick, he finds a room of sleeping campers, but leaves them alone because they're all young kids, and therefore aren't drinking or having sex. So, just stay completely sober and celibate. Don't even flirt with anyone. Keep it cool until you reach the Crystal Lake city limits and you should be fine. It might end up being a boring camping trip, but at least you'll survive.
Freddy Krueger
A notorious child murderer, Freddy Krueger escapes justice due to a legal technicality. The local townspeople hunt him down and burn him to death, only for him to return as a dream demon. He haunts the nightmares of local teenagers, especially ones living on Elm Street. Since he attacks people in their sleep, he's almost inescapable. His victims try to avoid him for as long as possible, but eventually nature wins. Once they start to drift off, they're already dead.
While he may seem completely relentless, Freddy's actually pretty easy to avoid. He hardly ever kills anyone in the first nightmare that he gives them. He usually toys with them to build up his strength. If you start having dreams about Freddy, then you can safely assume that he's targeted you.
He can't attack you in the real world, though. All you have to do is either avoid dreaming or learn to take control of said dreams. The best way to do that is by lucid dreaming, which is something that anyone can learn how to do. It's not even that hard. In The Dream Warriors, a couple of teens try to use this tactic to fight Freddy. Instead, they should have just used it to avoid him. Whenever he showed up, they could have just pinched themselves and woken up safe in their beds. If you even suspect that Freddy might come after you, then start learning this skill now.
Another option is alcohol. Getting drunk and then going to sleep prevents the body from entering the REM stage. This is that point where people start dreaming. If you don't enter this stage of sleep, then Freddy can't get you. It's science! Sure, constantly getting blitzed before bed has other negative effects on your body, but none of them involve being stalked by a demon. Since Freddy only targets teens, you only have to keep this up until you're old enough to legally drink anyway.
Michael Myers
Michael Myers pretty much just wants to kill his family and everyone around them. As a child, Michael just snapps on Halloween night and murders his sister. He spends the next 15 years in an asylum, until he escapes. He begins stalking his surviving relatives, and anyone who associates with them.
Michael is quiet, methodical, and like Jason Voorhees, unstoppable. He doesn't feel pain, so fighting him is out of the question. The only real weakness that Michael Myers has is that he has an obsession with Halloween. He only really kills on or around this date, with very few exceptions. He once sat quietly in a cave for almost an entire year, waiting for the end of October. Once it got close enough, he got up and started killing.
That's really your best bet for survival. Spend Halloween night in a bunker far away from anyone who might possibly be related to Michael. Check all of your friends family trees, and if the name "Myers" pops up at any point, then avoid that person. From mid-October to early November, that person is no longer your friend. They're just serial killer bait, and nothing ruins a holiday like a masked madman showing up.
Leatherface
To be fair, Leatherface seems easy enough to avoid. He and his family live in rural Texas, and they pretty much stay put. They're homeowners, and they put a lot of work into maintaining the property. Most of their furniture is made out of bone, and that takes a lot of work. Also, it's hard to travel across state borders when members of the family are wearing masks made out of human skin.
If you have to go to the Lonestar State, stick to the main roads and make as few pit stops as possible. Definitely don't pick up any hitchhikers. If you do have to stop in a rural area, don't go exploring. It's shocking how many of Leatherface's victims are people that just start wandering around, find his house, and just walk right on in. Even if you're careful, however, there's always a chance you'll still encounter Leatherface. He and his family have been known to set traps on the road, pose as law enforcement, and stake out the highways.
If you really want to stay safe, work on your cardio. Leatherface is a terrible runner, and he has to lug around a chainsaw everywhere he goes. Also, he likes to jump around and waive his chainsaw in the air maniacally. If he's chasing you, just keep running. He'll get tangled in some bushes like he always does. Don't even try to hide from him, he's apparently really good at hide and seek. Just focus on putting distance between the two of you. He'll have a heart attack before you run out of breath.
Hannibal Lecter
Just because someone is a serial killer doesn't mean that he doesn't have class. Hannibal "the Cannibal" Lecter is incredibly intelligent, well-spoken, and a complete monster. He's been known to throw classy dinner parties and trick people into eating human meat. Even locked away inside of an asylum, he's still one of the most dangerous people on the planet.
Hannibal truly hates impolite people, so don't ever be break the rules of etiquette around him. That's the easiest way to guarantee that you won't end up as the guest of honor at one of his dinner parties. Be humble, mind your P's and Q's, and you've got a pretty good shot at making it out alive. He never kills indiscriminately, either. His targets often include museum curators, census takers, and sub par flutists.
If you really want Hannibal to leave you alone, however, just try not to look delicious. Keep your muscles as stringy and tough as possible. Rub your skin with vinegar every day. Eat a lot of salty foods. Hannibal's not going to go through the trouble of killing and cooking you if the meal can't possibly taste good.